Shot Off The Press
May 2007

* "No Morass Left Behind" is Rove's plan to STALL the War, Katrina Recovery and Global Warming into the '08 Democratic White House. Then, retreat calmly to his gated estate.       (5-31-07)

* Bush the Environmentalist orders ALL White House service carts to run on biodiesel.       (5-31-07)

* The Twin Towers might as well have been The Constitution.       (5-31-07)

* Paul Wolfowitz joins "The View"       (5-30-07)

* The White House cites Cindy Sheehan's departure as yet more evidence of "progress" in Iraq.       (5-29-07)

* Halliburton seizes Google in hostile takeover       (5-29-07)

* Thanks to Bush, EVERYDAY'S Memorial Day.        (5-27-07)

* I say Lindsay Lohan's DUI was staged by Karl Rove to shift our attention away from Washington.       (5-27-07)

* ABC's Martha Raddatz eviscerates Bush.       (5-25-07)

* "The Surger Guy" is predicting more Iraq violence. It doesn't count if he predicts it.       (5-25-07)

* Democrats, Keith Olbermann has what you desperately need: a nuclear kick in the ass.       (5-24-07)

* Don't faint: there are actually more sectarian killings than before the Surge began. Unlike you, Mr. President, morgues don't lie.       (5-24-07)

* Jesus Christ, even FOX News got it right! The Democrats are handing back their November victory on a silver Medal of Freedom platter.       (5-24-07)

* Force President Bush to veto the spending bill until the TROOPS come home. It's not rocket science. It's the WILL OF THE PEOPLE.       (5-24-07)

* Those close to Osama Bin Laden say you couldn't wipe the smile off his face with cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed if you tried.       (5-24-07)

* Grandpappy Dick is already teaching the new grandkid how to scowl.       (5-24-07)

* Let's make one thing perfectly clear: Alberto "The Comforter Guy" Gonzales would never try to influence or coach Monica Goodling to save his sorry ass. That would be illegal.       (5-24-07)

* Come on, Democrats: your November testosterone shot must be wearing off because your balls are shrinking. PLEASE grow 'em back: NO BLANK CHECK!       (5-23-07)

* Monica brought Bill down. Maybe Monica can bring Alberto, Karl and George down.       (5-23-07)

* OPERATION IRANIAN FREEDOM BEGINS!       (5-23-07)

* The Bush Regime has truly made the Flag worth burning.       (5-23-07)

* How'd it ever get this bad? Despite E V E R Y T H I N G, President George W. Abyss still stands with one foot on the Constitution and other one on our necks. I sincerely do not get it.       (5-23-07)

* "The Compromiser Guy" finally gets what he wants by reaching across the aisle. Unfortunately, his "aisle" extends from his desk to the veto pen.       (5-23-07)

* SURGE II, the sequel: Freedom-Spreader Hell. "It's our little secret."       (5-22-07)

* Hoping to ease the public's concern over the highest gas prices ever, the White House explains that it's costing the oil companies a bundle to build an undersea pipeline from Iraq to the US.       (5-22-07)

* Calling Democratic opposition "pure political theater," President Wynette is standing by his man, Alberto Gonzales. Respectfully, just what isn't "pure political theater," you boob?        (5-21-07)

* Since when is it "over the line" to call a murdering traitor the "worst President in history?"       (5-21-07)

* Don't worry about tainted Chinese ingredients going into your pet's food. It's in OUR food, too.       (5-21-07)

* What's all this talk about widespread American pessimism? I, for one, am completely optimistic that our Country is going straight to Hell.       (5-21-07)

* Al Gores Bush.       (5-21-07)

* Bushiness as Usual       (5-20-07)

* Who's killed more human beings, Saddam or Bush? For the sake of argument, let's call it a tie.       (5-20-07)

* More "progress" to report in Iraq: SIX SEVEN TROOPS KILLED Saturday.       (5-20-07)

* I wonder who Bush'll pick to succeed Falwell?       (5-19-07)

* They should call it the "Medal of Fraudom."       (5-19-07)

* Get the Preparation H out...and maybe the scotch: look what you and I are buying for "The Decider Commander Guy."       (5-19-07)

* The unconditional friendship of Tony Blair and George W. Bush proves that arrogant assholes come in all different accents.       (5-19-07)

* Damn that "Mr. Peanut" Jimmy Carter for calling Tony Blair's subservience to Bush "abominable," and Iraq "a major tragedy for the world." Why'd ya go so easy on those varmints, Jimmy?        (5-19-07)

* Newt Gingrich wants so desperately to be relevant again. He's got about as much chance as Rudy G.        (5-19-07)

* Tony Blair calls George Bush "The Winston Churchill of America." George Bush calls Tony Blair "The Dick Cheney of Great Britain."       (5-18-07)

* Bush to Congress: "I'm takin' my war and goin' home!"       (5-18-07)

* Bush picks Ahmed Chalabi to head World Bank       (5-18-07)

* "There's a war?" -Paris Hilton       (5-18-07)

* How 'bout we do a "Wolfowitz" and pay Bush and Cheney a billion each to resign?       (5-18-07)

* Global Warming causes record temperatures in Hell       (5-17-07)

* Bush White House: worst organized crime spree in American history.       (5-17-07)

* Blair promises to make frequent trips back to Washington so Bush can walk him.       (5-17-07)

* Karl Rove claims he doesn't even know how to e-mail.       (5-17-07)

* You gotta feel sorry for the Bush administration: they no longer have Jerry Falwell for spiritual guidance.       (5-17-07)

* After he receives his Medal of Freedom, Wolfowitz will hang shingle next to Blair's at Halliburton.       (5-16-07)

* Gonzales removes Articles of Impeachment from Constitution       (5-16-07)

* Repeat after me: "The Surge is working. We are winning. The surge is working. We are winning..." Move your mouth with your hand if you have to.       (5-16-07)

* Looking for the perfect solution, Bush considers a Wolfowitz-Gonzales job swap.       (5-16-07)

* All Bush needs is one well-placed "asteroid" to find Baghdad. Something tells me they could make it happen.       (5-15-07)

* Maybe the Bush Legacy will end up being the creation of an Islamic-ruled world.       (5-15-07)

* If it's so much safer, why am I wearing a Kevlar vest?       (5-15-07)

* Fall's well that ends well.       (5-15-07)

* Reverend Jerry Falwell: R.I.H.P. (Rest in Homophobic Peace)       (5-15-07)

I'll be back on Tuesday, 5/15. Why not check out the archives until then? I appreciate you visiting. -Grant "Brad"

* A short ad worth watching.       (5-10-07)

* C'mon, President Bush, veto us out of the war. See if we care.       (5-10-07)

* Never put a ceiling on your hopes and dreams: though it's a long shot, NBC's "To Catch a Predator" might snare Karl Rove sometime.       (5-10-07)

* Gas prices are likely to break records just as travel season approaches. We're being "groomed" to accept this. What part of "getting hosed at the pump by Big Oil" don't you understand?        (5-9-07)

* While in Kansas for a disaster photo-op, the President will read "My Pet Tornado" to kindergartners.       (5-9-07)

* Bush always yields to the will of the people...in the White House.       (5-9-07)

* Bush: arrogant. Cheney: arrogant. Rove: arrogant. Condi: arrogant. Gonzales: arrogant. Wolfowitz: arrogant. Bolton: arrogant. Rumsfeld: arrogant. Tenet: arrogant. DeLay: arrogant. Abramoff: arrogant. Libby: arrogant. Cunningham: arrogant. Ney: arrogant. Doolittle: arrogant. Renzi: arrogant. Does there seem to be a pattern emerging here?       (5-9-07)

* Whew! At first, the White House thought the brightest-ever supernova was a terrorist attack.       (5-9-07)

* Tony Blair is counting down the days until he can leave office to become a Halliburton "consultant."        (5-9-07)

* Bush mulls over pardon for Paris Hilton       (5-9-07)

* Operation Iraqi Stall       (5-8-07)

* Bush tries to give Queen Medal of Freedom; she politely refuses        (5-8-07)

* The President challenges the scientific community to develop technology that will stop earthquakes, hurricanes and tornadoes dead in their tracks.        (5-8-07)

* Hurricanes and tornadoes are horrendous national disasters matched only by the scope of the government's botched response to them.       (5-8-07)

* Bush is putting Greensburg, Kansas on his "To Do" list right after the Gulf Coast.       (5-8-07)

* President names Wolfowitz War Czar; Rumsfeld will head World Bank       (5-7-07)

* Reflublicans       (5-6-07)

* Iraq is the "The Energizer Bunny War": IT keeps going and going, and THEY keep dying and dying...       (5-6-07)

* Not exactly flaming liberals, read what Cokie and Steve Roberts have to say about "the Iraq Syndrome."       (5-6-07)

* Iraq: Shock and Fraud       (5-6-07)

* Wal*Mart's favorite country, China, has given us poisonous pet food, and now, poisonous cough syrup: cha-ching, cha-China.       (5-6-07)

* Humming "My Way," and secure in the knowledge that compromising over the war is no more an option than helping Katrina victims, the President blurts into the mirror: Bring 'em on!"        (5-6-07)

* No one supports the President's war plan more than Al Qaeda.        (5-5-07)

* Georgie faw down go boom: 28%
       (5-5-07)

* Seen on the President's desk: "The Constitution stops here."       (5-5-07)

* President preemptively pardons entire administration       (5-5-07)

* Bush vetoes Global Warming       (5-5-07)

* The President says he will give up his veto pen when it's pried from his cold dead fingers.       (5-5-07)

* Paris Hilton goes to jail, but Bush, Cheney, Rove and Gonzales don't?        (5-5-07)

* Free Paris!        (5-5-07)

* You'll be pleased to know that former Defense Secretary "Dingleberry Don" Rumsfeld will receive a Statesmanship Award at the Claremont Institute's Sir Winston Churchill Dinner.        (5-4-07)

* Cheney to take Queen hunting       (5-4-07)

* GOP Debate: these white men can't jump or debate.       (5-4-07)

* All roads lead to Rove.       (5-4-07)

* A rumor is spreading in the Middle East that Bush and Cheney often draw cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed.       (5-4-07)

* What Would Jesus Veto?       (5-4-07)

* Two decades in the making, the Hate Crimes bill passed by the House is threatened with a Bush veto. Pious George wants to preserve the homophobic intolerance of the Religious Right.       (5-4-07)

* Here's the golden solution that will end the war and bring peace and unity to Iraq: hand over Bush, Cheney and Rove to the terrorists. Throw in Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, Gonzales and Condi for good measure.       (5-4-07)

* Dear Mr. President: I hope like hell the terrorists follow you home, pal.       (5-4-07)

* "Saddam, Al Qaeda, Iraq, 9/11." If you don't believe there's a connection, go out and look in your backyard: there's probably terrorists there right now.       (5-4-07)

* You can't make this stuff up: Official White House "I'm the Commander Guy" Transcript *Note: they changed it to "I'm a commander guy" from "I'm the commander guy." I've read and heard the excerpt. He said "the." The Press Secretary obviously thought he said "the," also.       (5-3-07)

* Suddenly, George Bush is above politics and politicians. That's like Jack Abramoff being above lobbying and lobbyists.       (5-3-07)

* Now George W. Bush has morphed into "The Commander Guy." Does he change outfits in a phone booth?       (5-3-07)

* How many military funerals has the "The Commander Guy" attended?       (5-3-07)

* "The Vice Commander Guy" also held the pen while "The Commander Guy" vetoed the bill to bring our Troops home.       (5-3-07)

* The Commander Guy is having lunch at the Oval Office today with Spider-Man.       (5-3-07)

* Impeach "The Commander Guy"       (5-3-07)

* Larry the Cable Guy sends congratulatory telegram to George the Commander Guy       (5-3-07)

* Bust Bush's Balls:"No funding until the Troops know when they're coming home for good."       (5-2-07)

* Giuliani/Kerik '08       (5-2-07)

* Giuliani has commanding lead among polygamist voters       (5-2-07)

* Hugo Chavez: Bush with an accent.       (5-2-07)

* I claimed Bush, Cheney and Rove as dependents on my tax return.       (5-2-07)

* Olmert = Bush: Israelis and Americans share a wretched common bond.       (5-2-07)

* The melting of the Arctic ice cap is 30 years ahead of schedule. The President says that's the best news he's heard all week.       (5-2-07)

* Global Warming deniers: out of morbid curiosity, how do you feel about the Holocaust?       (5-2-07)

* Bush advises his close ally, Israel's bitterly embattled Ehud Olmert, to "stay the course, prevail, accomplish the mission...and, it's hard work."        (5-1-07)

* It's a helluva lot easier to Support Our Troops when they're at home.        (5-1-07)

* "abyssmorass": a place approaching hell; i.e. The President took his Country into the abyssmorass of a lost illegal war.       (5-1-07)

* The noose is tightening around Rick Renzi's neonuts. It must be "liberal operatives," right Rick?       (5-1-07)

* Today is the fourth anniversary of "Mission FUQomplished." Happy Bushday, everybody.       (5-1-07)

* When the war spending bill passes, the cost of the War will be more than $500 BILLION. It's ten times the Bush estimate of four years ago: "It's worth it. I wouldn't have spent it if it wasn't worth it."-George W. Bush, May, 2006       (5-1--07)

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