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Shot Off The Press:
Latest Lines
~ Always Unfair and Biased. Always. ~
"I believe in Bush, Cheney, Rove, Wolfowitz and The Tooth Fairy." --my Dad, Spike Gerver, 6-24-05
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Bumper sticker addict enters literary rehab for 7th time!
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McCain seems to make
one huge gaffe everyday. That's why I'm votin' for him.
(7-23-2008)
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Bush will ride mountain bike with American athletes in Olympic opening ceremony
(7-22-2008)
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Give George W. Bush all the credit: we haven't had an asteroid hit America for 8 straight
years.
(7-22-2008)
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Talk about bad luck: I just replaced tomatoes in my diet with jalapenos.
(7-21-2008)
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DHS forms billion-dollar "Draping of Sneakers Over Power Lines" Task Force
(7-21-2008)
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Bush vows to rebuild thrashed tomato industry just like he did New Orleans
(7-21-2008)
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The Joker in The Dark Knight is a dead ringer for Dick Cheney.
(7-21-2008)
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George W. Bush: The Subpar-Subprime President"
(7-21-2008)
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The definition of "Victory in Iraq": take the square root of the general time horizon,
multiply it by the number of dead terrorists factoring in the dead US Soldiers coefficient,
then divide by the direct reverse integer of the ratio between freedom spread and WMD.
~ Kudos to David G. for his brilliant suggestion. ~ (7-21-2008)
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In a direct response to
Nancy Pelosi's criticism of how trite and insulting his giving
up golf for the Troops is, the President has also decided to give up "pleasuring himself."
(7-20-2008)
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Bush is now calling the Iraq withdrawal timetable a "general time horizon." Okay, I can play that
game: Bush is not really an a**ho*e, he's just a "general excretory orifice."
(7-19-2008)
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"Senator Security" McCain outs Obama's Iraq and Afghanistan stops in grand Plame-like fashion
(7-19-2008)
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In bold move, McCain asks Bush to be VP
(7-18-2008)
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With the reaction to that latest New Yorker cover, you'd think it was a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed.
(7-18-2008)
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McCain still thinks the Dodgers play in Brooklyn.
(7-17-2008)
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Bush administration: birth control = abortion. Well, I just hope any staffer
caught using birth control, or having relations with anyone using it, is immediately
fired, just like all the Plame leakers were.
(7-17-2008)
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Favre mulls going where old quarterbacks go to die: Oakland
(7-17-2008)
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In a startling baring of the soul, Bush admits he's no economist. How else could he be an
economic optimist?
(7-17-2008)
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Good to see the ban on offshore drilling lifted: GM and Ford are immediately
planning a new line of bigger SUV's.
(7-17-2008)
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Cartels ditch drugs for corn
(7-16-2008)
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Eternal optimist Bush is still high on the economy. I'd swear it was something else.
(7-16-2008)
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"Ethanol bandits" mean no corn is safe; heavily-armed security guards
patrol grocery stores, fields
(7-16-2008)
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Angelina Jolie plans on yearly pregnancy
(7-13-2008)
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Karl Rove becomes pastor of Heaven's Road Bully Pulpit Evangelical Church
(7-12-2008)
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The Bush administration: making the globe free to warm as God intended.
(7-12-2008)
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Dick Cheney already has a retirement gig: product tester
for Remington shotguns.
(7-11-2008)
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Bush orders "recession", "Depression" stricken from English language.
(7-11-2008)
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John McCain: "The Great White Dope"
(7-11-2008)
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Lay off Dick Cheney. Sheesh, can't a guy delete testimony about the health hazards
of Global Warming anymore?
(7-9-2008)
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I'm assuming Iran fired those 9 missiles in celebration of our Independence Day.
(7-9-2008)
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The way Al Qaeda and the Taliban are ramping up in Afghanistan and Pakistan lends even more credibility to why
Bush went to war in Iraq. You're just not seeing the big picture.
(7-7-2008)
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Like a virgin, we're seeing the true A-Rod for the very first time.
(7-7-2008)
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Founding Fathers glad to have painful 4th behind them
(7-5-2008)
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27% of Americans will use Stimulus Payment to buy siphoning equipment
(7-5-2008)
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Happy Fourth of July, everybody: a good day to Declare one's Independence
from the government, if only in spirit.
(7-4-2008)
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Bush builds secret golf course on Crawford ranch
(7-4-2008)
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In a show of gratitude, King Abdullah has presented George W. Bush with a gold-plated Rolls he calls "The Bushmobile."
They both took a leisurely ride, holding hands all the way.
(7-3-2008)
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Who gives a damn if there's life on other planets? IS THERE OIL?!
(7-3-2008)
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The Bush Oilegacy: "In God Oil We Trust"
(7-3-2008)
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Bush's close buddies at Hunt Oil are closing in on Iraqi oil with no-bid contracts with State Department knowledge and guidance.
A note to all you skeptics: this still does not mean the War was all about the oil. Can't you find it in your hearts to believe in
coincidences?
(7-3-2008)
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Just curious: can you tow your car behind a city bus you're riding on?
(7-2-2008)
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White House asks Americans to send in George W. Bush Legacy suggestions; staff tapped out
(7-2-2008)
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The playing field is not only NOT level, it doesn't even exist anymore.
(7-1-2008)
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The new wishful thinking campaign: "Don't Drink and Shoot: Choose a Designated Shooter"
(7-1-2008)
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You know what's great? We can all have handguns now, just in time to shoot 'em up
in the air to celebrate the Fourth, or to, you know, kill people who threaten our
well-being, or who just basically piss us off.
(7-1-2008)
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I just checked the White House website: the economy's threat level is still
a calm, soothing blue, with just a trace of yellow.
(7-1-2008)
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Bad sign: Obama's getting into the
"faith-based" business.
(7-1-2008)
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My God, Starbucks is closing up to 600 stores! Where will I get my fix?!
Oh, I know, at one of the other 42,617,388 coffee joints.
(7-1-2008)
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If your credit card balances are really really high,
you don't actually have to pay 'em off, do you?
(7-1-2008)
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Have you hugged your Flag pin today?
(7-1-2008)
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Now that Gates is stepping down, he will begin developing "The Ultranet,"
an exclusive Web portal solely for billionaires.
(7-1-2008)
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At the ranch this Friday, Bush is gonna throw a few detainees on the grill.
(7-1-2008)
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On this Fourth of July Holiday Weekend, let us remember our dear, departed
Constitution, for it used to actually matter.
(7-1-2008)
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Suddenly, dumpsters behind restaurants look good.
(6-30-2008)
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Robert Mugabe has beat his competition to a pulp winning another decisive victory.
(6-30-2008)
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Shock and Awe + Iran = even more oil
(6-30-2008)
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Bush hopes to give America one last gift before leaving office: Iran.
(6-30-2008)
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"Angry Bill" Clinton's taking his box of cigars and going home.
(6-30-2008)
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I'm turning my car into a greenhouse.
(6-28-2008)
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How in the hell can you have a runoff election with only 1 candidate?
Somebody ought to free the people of Zimbabwe from that tyrannical dictator, Mugabe.
Hmmm. They got any oil?
(6-27-2008)
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Well, isn't that special:
North Korea cozies up to W;
Wal*Mart scurries to make room for North Korean products
(6-26-2008)
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TGFG: Thank God For Guns. The more we have, the safer we are, right?
(6-26-2008)
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Don Imus, meet Mel Gibson.
(6-24-2008)
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Notice: I have resumed picking up pennies off the street.
(6-24-2008)
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All McCain needs is a terrorist attack and a $300-million-dollar battery.
(6-24-2008)
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George Carlin,
"The True Voice of Reason," leaves for the ultimate gig.
(6-23-2008)
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Why is it we rarely see any news about the War on the major
networks these days? It's going that well?
(6-23-2008)
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Remember, it ain't "torture" if nobody dies.
(6-20-2008)
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Bush says he feels for Mugabe.
(6-20-2008)
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Here's the problem in a nutshell: rather than serving their Country,
"The Bush Corporation" believes they own It.
(6-20-2008)
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Sad to say it, but neither Obama nor McCain are addressing one of our most critical
American issues:
the destruction of the Middle Class. (What, no punch line?)
(6-19-2008)
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We must find a way to squeeze gas out of turnips.
(6-19-2008)
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Have you ever noticed after watching FOX News,
you feel the uncontrollable urge to wash your hands?
(6-18-2008)
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I can't wait till they start drillin' for oil off our shorelines again!
The environment's screwed beyond repair anyway.
(6-18-2008)
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Gas Saving Tip #2: quit your job so you don't have
to drive there.
(6-18-2008)
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Unmasking its compassionate side, Exxon Mobil
gives free donut with every fill-up.
(6-18-2008)
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Gas isn't the problem, driving is.
(6-18-2008)
* Vote John McCain: "We Need A Guy With A Temper!"
(6-17-2008)
* Good NeoNews:
McCain brings that nostalgic touchy-feely Bush aura to his campaign.
(6-17-2008)
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FYI:
Every step you take instead of driving is a resounding middle finger to "Big OilPEC."
(6-16-2008)
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One of the best interviews I have ever seen:
Luke Russert being interviewed by Matt Lauer on the death of his dad, Tim,
on the Today Show completely transcends politics.
Here it is.
(6-16-2008)
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Lest we forget: Ronald Dumbsfeld.
(6-15-2008)
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When Dick Cheney retires, he ought to move to the Green Zone.
(6-15-2008)
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Supreme Court will take up mandatory wearing of Flag pins by all
Americans
(6-15-2008)
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With nowhere to turn, Bush cancels desperate legacy search
(6-15-2008)
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Rest In Peace, Tim Russert: you asked all the tough questions
and made a lot of folks squirm, just as it should be.
(6-14-2008)
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The President assures Iowans he's become an expert in flood disasters:
FEMA ice shipments should arrive before the end of the month.
(6-14-2008)
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Bush hopes Katrina survivors will "give up their pity party" after seeing what
Iowans are going through.
(6-14-2008)
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Ominous sign: vacant FEMA trailers seen being airlifted
to Iowa
(6-14-2008)
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McCain doesn't think it's "too important"
when American Troops come home. Well, I don't think
it's too important for "Bush III" to be President.
(6-13-2008)
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Condi quietly searches globe
for country to invade with glut of safe tomatoes.
(6-13-2008)
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The Bush gifts just keep on giving:
73,000 home foreclosures in May; 261,255 total.
The good news: tent industry soars.
(6-13-2008)
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McCain would set strict Troop tour limits:
No more than 10.
(6-13-2008)
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Obama begins the era of
"Swift-Truthing."
(6-13-2008)
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NOTICE: Due to the gas situation,
I will only date women who live
within walking distance. (6-12-2008)
* "Americans can always be counted on to do the right
thing...after they have exhausted all other
possibilities." ~ Sir Winston Churchill
~ (6-11-2008)
* We must put a stop to the Big Oiligarchy. (6-08-2008)
* Sure glad I own 4 cars. (6-10-2008)
* Scott's gonna piss and tell. (6-09-2008)
* Gas Saving Tip #1: A vehicle gets its best mileage when parked. (6-08-2008)
* Let us spare no expense in helping lead John McCain to an "Old Brown" Belmont-style finish. (6-08-2008)
* Urgent DHS Notice to All Americans: Do not waste your rebate checks paying down credit cards. (6-07-2008)
* Unemployment surges to 5.5%, the Market's down 400, oil's up to a record $139: what'd you expect, a cakewalk? (No wait, that's what the War was sposed to be.) (6-07-2008)
* Bush to Nation: "I gave you the damn checks, now spend 'em quick so we can get this economy outa' the dumper!" (6-06-2008)
* Bob Dylan endorses Barack Obama: "The Times They Are a-Changin'..." (6-06-2008)
* Obama and Hillary meet; Nominee unfazed by facial scratches (6-06-2008)
* Ask your doctor about Econozac™ for economic depression (6-06-2008)
* The economy's on a roll: we've left Bush's "Rough Patch & Economic Headwinds" Period for a tiny downturn toward oblivion. (6-06-2008)
* Here's how "Pray-for-the Troops" George supports our Vets: ducking fisgusting. (6-05-2008)
* Well, O'il be damned. (6-05-2008)
* Senate Report: it's official, Bush and the Administration lied us into war. And bears sh*t in the woods. (6-05-2008)
* Hillary for NOT Vice President! (6-05-2008)
* 10,000 "Rezko's" = 1 "Keating 5" (6-05-2008)
* While McCain jubilantly sings "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Obama," Barack confidently plots to obliterate him. (6-03-2008)
* You want conspiracy? I've got a conspiracy for you: all those turncoat Bushites writing tell-alls to make a buck off the greatest president since Vladimir Putin. (6-03-2008)
* Former commander in Iraq, Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez gives Bush a "McClellan." (6-02-2008)
* Donald Rumsfeld to pen tell-all book: "Scott Happens" (6-01-2008)
* Vacation: archaic term for going out of town to some nice place: Yvonne remembered long ago how her family would take a vacation. (6-01-2008)
* Just in case, Bill Clinton maps out strategy for life outside the White House: more women, more money and more women. (6-01-2008)
* Hillary seeks out Karl Rove in last gasp to wrest nomination (6-01-2008)
* Some still refer to him as Senator McCain, but most prefer "John McGaffe." (6-01-2008)
* Hillary's only hope now is Obama being nailed by Chris Hansen on "To Catch a Predator." (5-31-2008)
* Swift Boat Evangelicals for Truth accuses Obama of "church abandonment." (5-31-2008)
* Karl Rove is still out there trying to rally the GOP base. He's really got those 12 people worked into a frenzy. (5-31-2008)
* The difference between Bush and McCain: BUDWEISER! (5-30-2008)
* You know Bush is thinkin' it: "Let's see how pissed-off everybody is when we turn on the spigot to Iraq's oil and bring it all over here." (5-29-2008)
* Scott McClellan arrested by DHS as suspected terrorist (5-29-2008)
* McClellan has fouled the White House nest. All they can do now is pray that a Medal of Freedom will shut the guy up. (5-28-2008)
* Bush says he feels like a castrated bull. (5-28-2008)
* I guess Scott McClellan got mad as hell and wasn't gonna take it anymore. Heckuva job, Scotty. (5-28-2008)
* Scott McClellan causes some serious Shock & Awe at the White House. Even he didn't believe what he was saying at all those phony press briefings. McClellan really couldn't handle being Bush's Press "Suckretary" after all. (5-28-2008)
* Bush's veto is overridden on the same day Rove is subpoenaed. Satan has a sense of humor, doesn't he? (5-22-2008)
* Hillary says she'll bow out if Barack will be her vice-presidential running mate (5-22-2008)
* Appeasement: Big Oil will donate one-millionth percent of profits to lowest-mile-per-gallon vehicle owners. (5-22-2008)
* Grilled by the Senate, Big Oil comes clean: "We're screwing the American public because we can, though it concerns us deeply." (5-22-2008)
* I just read something positive about the protracted Democratic primary: it's actually quite a huge benefit to Obama because Dem voter reg is way up, he's had to establish organizations in every state, he's battle tested, he's created a huge buzz and he's raising tons of money. No punch line necesssary. (5-21-2008)
* BaghdaDisneyland (5-21-2008)
* Shhhhh: President Bush is ushering in the Second Great Depression just like Herbert Hoover did the First. Don't tell anyone. (5-21-2008)
* Flail Hillary, flail (5-21-2008)
* Vote YES to outlaw celebrity news. (5-20-2008)
* Caught on tape: Bush bolting out back door of indoor golf course. (5-19-2008)
* Johnny Mac: just another lobbyist's brick in the wall. (5-19-2008)
* Gov. Mike "Lee Harvey Oswald" Huckabee (Courtesy of Karl Azid, Rolling Stones Inc.) (5-18-2008)
* Obama almost never mentions Bush without McCain or McCain without Bush. It's as if they're "Siamese Neocons." (5-17-2008)
* Obama's not about to be "SwiftBushed." (5-16-2008)
* Johnny Mac's "he was for it before he was against it" Hamas moment. (5-16-2008)
* I find it highly ironic that Bush and Orwell share the same first name. (5-16-2008)
* Hypocrisy knows no bigger advocate than George W. "The Great Appeaser" Bush. (5-16-2008)
* House Judiciary Chairman, John Conyers, is about to wipe that smirk off "Turd Blossom's" face: "We're closing in on Rove. Someone's got to kick his ass." (5-16-2008)
* McCain clarifies that he didn't mean 100 years in Iraq, really only 5 there. Then, 100 years total to finish invading the entire Middle East, making it a grand bastion of liberty, democracy and unlimited oil. (5-16-2008)
* John McCain isn't fit to lead a Boy Scout troop. (5-16-2008)
* You mean to tell me California's gonna allow same-sex marriage even after gays and lesbians caused all those tornadoes, cyclones and earthquakes? (5-15-2008)
* Wal-Mart will cash rebate checks for in-store purchases (*not good on American-made products). (5-15-2008)
* How to really screw Bush: deposit your economic stimulus checks in the bank. (5-15-2008)
* George W. Bush is the greatest clear and present danger America has ever faced. (5-15-2008)
* "Team Jolie" is poppin' out another couple a' fresh ones from the oven. Glad she's doing her part to overpopulate the Globe she's trying so hard to save. (5-15-2008)
* The President has divulged for the first time that he gave up golf out of respect for the Troops. Not the War, not the Presidency, but F*****G GOLF! (5-14-2008)
* Just in time for Memorial Day: Support Our Troops. (5-13-2008)
* Pentaganda! (5-13-2008)
* DHS determines Chinese temblor definitely not work of terrorists (5-12-2008)
* In light of devastating quake, Bush calls for global effort to find ways of preventing them (5-12-2008)
* Are you kiddin' me? Putin's boy, Medvedev's favorite band is Deep Purple. DP and Tina Turner actually played a gig at the Kremlin to celebrate Gazprom's 15th anniversary. You can't make this stuff up. (5-11-2008)
* Beginning immediately, Powerball jackpots will be paid out in gas, food (5-11-2008)
* Torture-Memo stalwarts, Alberto Gonzales and John Yoo, open "Waterboard Diner" in D.C. (5-11-2008)
* Karl Rove aggresively advises John McCain to run on moral values, compassionate conservative platform (5-11-2008)
* Good news: the global temperature has not risen in over a day. (5-11-2008)
* Hitchhiking becomes preferred mode of transportation (5-11-2008)
* How to beat the recession: get all the credit cards you possibly can. (5-11-2008)
* Tom DeLay, Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff endorse McCain (5-11-2008)
* It's so adorable how John uses Cindy's corporate jet by using an unresolved legal loophole in the recent campaign finance law he backed. (5-11-2008)
* Miley Cyrus practices entering rehab "just in case" (5-11-2008)
* White House will sell DVD's of Jenna's wedding to raise funds for McCain. (5-11-2008)
* I went to the gas station and a recession broke out. (5-11-2008)
* Kids all over the nation are losing their allowance and lunch money to pay for gas and groceries. (5-11-2008)
* Senator Obama says McCain's involvement in the Keating Five savings and loan scandal is most certainly NOT off limits. Paybacks are a bitch, John. (5-10-2008)
* They've gone after Obama regarding Bill Ayers and The Woods Fund. Read this article and you'll see how fantastically ridiculous this assault is: pure unadulterated fiction about the virtuous and important work Obama has done throughout his career. (5-10-2008)
* Why shouldn't YOU and I be entitled to the same healthcare coverage that saved Dick Cheney's life? We should. (5-10-2008)
* Bush declares National Holiday to celebrate Jenna's wedding (5-10-2008)
*Bush's deft "Middle East touch" extends to Beirut: chaos spreadin' like a swarm a' locust (5-9-2008)
* I don't give a "hoot" whether McCain voted for Bush in 2000 or not. I only care if he lied about it. Yummy. (5-9-2008)
* Did John McCain NOT vote for Bush in 2000? He's smiling way too hard in the video. It's a wonder his face didn't explode. (5-9-2008)
* The Dream Ticket: Obama/Anybody but Hillary (5-9-2008)
* Barack shouldn't pick Hillary. He should choose Olbermann. (5-8-2008)
* Breaking news: proctologist removes microphone from Rush Limbaugh in emergency procedure (5-7-2008)
* "Let them eat gas." (5-6-2008)
* My simple take on the gas tax holiday: if "$100-Millionaires Club" members, Hillary and McCain are for it, it must be a bad idea. (5-6-2008)
* Hillary has such the politcal thug mentality, I'm just waiting for her to start flashing gang signs. (5-5-2008)
* John McCain has been endorsed by Rev. John Hagee. He makes Rev. Wright look like Joel Osteen. Read Frank Rich's excellent commentary. (5-4-2008)
* Setting the record straight, McCain says he called his wife a "trollop and a nut." (5-3-2008)
* How I'll sleep worrying about Miley Cyrus' career is beyond me. I can only pray there'll be a Congressional investigation. (5-3-2008)
* McCain throws temper tantrum over lost binky (5-2-2008)
* New breed of burglars steals gas, food (5-2-2008)
* Finally, LEGACY ACCOMPLISHED:
George Walker Bush is the most unpopular president in modern history.
Don't worry, he can still turn it around before January. (5-1-2008)
* Iraq: stick a Flag pin in it... (5-1-2008)
* Happy 5th Anniversay, "Mission Accomplished!" With April's Troop deaths hitting 50, there's one hell of a lot to be proud of. (5-1-2008)
* "Swift Boat" Hillary is acting more like a Republican every day. (5-1-2008)
* John "Hand Grenade" McCain is so flaky, cranky, undependable and just outright abominable, he'd make the perfect neocon president. (5-1-2008)
* Lewinsky emerges from shadows to admit she forced Bill into sex he vigorously resisted; endorses Hillary (4-30-2008)
* Actually, if McCain becomes president, it'll be fun watching the captain go down with the ship. (4-30-2008)
* Americans only have grave concern in a few areas: gas, food, water, housing and employment. (4-30-2008)
* Remember: you can't have a recession until Homeland Security declares it. (4-30-2008)
* Americans are erecting backyard grain silos like there's no tomorrow. (4-30-2008)
* I predict Reverend Wright is on Karl Rove's secret Bahamaian payroll. (4-30-2008)
* We're gettin' a rebate check every month, right? (4-29-2008)
* Bush has left a legacy all right. He's marked his territory like a horny pit bull. (4-28-2008)
* Anyone who thinks the economy's going to get better anytime soon is a real "dopetimist." (4-28-2008)
* Haven't seen Cheney in a while. He's probably performing animal experiments in his torture lab. (4-28-2008)
* Britney and Lindsay welcome Miley to the fold (4-28-2008)
* I'll be spending my rebate check on antidepressants. (4-27-2008)
* Not to worry: Bush's self-approval rating is very high. (4-27-2008)
* Jon Stewart riffs ass. (4-26-2008)
* Read this and tell me McCain isn't bipolar. (4-26-2008)
* John McCain assures Americans that he'll only sling mud once in a while. Other than that, he'll run a clean, respectful and noble campaign. (4-26-2008)
* In an effort to bolster his wife's chances, Bill Clinton admits he inhaled, and did indeed have sex with that woman. (4-26-2008)
* Let's just say Hillary is somehow denied the nomination. She would make the perfect McCain running mate. (4-26-2008)
* Consumer confidence has fallen to its lowest level in 26 years. Oh what do they know? (4-26-2008)
* Wal*Mart, Costco limit sales of bulk rice, paper clips (4-25-2008)
* Hey, how about the Govenment gets a sweet subprime loan deal to pay off the debt? (4-24-2008)
* Deputy Secretary of State, John Negroponte is urging the Chinese to open talks with the Dalai Lama. He suggests a neutral site: the Beijing Wal*Mart. (4-24-2008)
* It's so great seeing the "Democrat" Party doing what they do best: giving away the White House to the Jerkwads. (4-24-2008)
* In her and Bill's mind, Hillary won by a big enough margin to justify stealing the nomination. John McCain and Karl Rove are giddy. (4-23-2008)
* God, am I ever glad Earth Day is over. I put my bike in the shed and filled up the Hummer. (4-23-2008)
* Exxon Mobil salutes Earth Day by unveiling new "smiling corn cob" logo (4-22-2008)
* Don't eat beef. How would you like it if the shoe were on the other hoof? (4-22-2008)
* China celebrated Earth Day by closing more oil deals with rogue nations. (4-22-2008)
* I promise to cut back on my driving...right after you lose 25 pounds. (4-22-2008)
* "Hissy-Fit" Hillary demands nomination or she and Bill will jump to GOP (4-20-2008)
* Bill O'Reilly admits dropping acid before every show (4-20-2008)
* Stop driving and eating and you'll soon be rich. (4-20-2008)
* With John McCain, at least we have a known commodity: Bush. (4-20-2008)
* You know who's been tortured the most? WE have. (4-20-2008)
* Here's my take: Obama won't wear a Flag pin, so he's called "unpatriotic." But, Bush, Cheney, Rove and Rice wear 'em and they're verified traitors. So, why would anyone want to wear one? It definitely sends the wrong message. (4-20-2008)
* Wal*Mart "deeply offended" at actions of "unruly monks" trying to make political spectacle at expense of "our greatest friend, China" (4-20-2008)
* Bush makes "...is the Pope Catholic?" miscue (4-20-2008)
* If we pull our Troops out of Iraq, all hell will break loose. If we stay in Iraq, all hell will break loose. But, if we are brave and send in more Troops, all hell will break loose. (4-20-2008)
* Would-be gas thieves: let it be known that I have implanted a video camera in my gas cap. (4-20-2008)
* "Grapes of Wrath 2" tells tale of current Great Depression (4-20-2008)
* If McCain becomes President, do you think Cindy would lower the price of Budweiser? We're gonna need a lot of it. (4-19-2008)
* So what if gas and food prices are skyrocketing? Sports and concert tickets won't be affected, will they? (4-19-2008)
* My friends, John McCain would be nothing without Cindy's $100 million. (4-18-2008)
* When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Problem is, you can't run a car on it. (4-18-2008)
* Hey, what's with the long face? You didn't need that dumb ol' house anyway. (4-18-2008)
* George W. Bush: The Man Who Pulled the Plug on America. (4-18-2008)
* Don't fall over, but the War's been "a major debacle with the outcome in doubt." (4-18-2008)
* Even though violence is surging (pun intended), it's worth the oil in the longrun. (4-17-2008)
* "COWBOY GEORGE, THE HORSE THIEF," by Jim Hightower: "America's #1 Populist!" (4-8-2008)
* Check out this new book: The Real McCain. His kindergarten temper tantrums get abusive, obscene and physical. Yeah, he's MY President! (4-8-2008)
* The problem with The Olympic Torch isn't China. It's the wick. (4-8-2008)
* If The Surge is working, so are subprime mortgages. (4-8-2008)
* Obama begins assembling "HazMat Hotshot Team" to sterilize White House before he and First Family move in (4-8-2008)
* If you happen to be drunk, this will sober you up in a hurry. (4-7-2008)
* John McCain believes The Surge gave Iraq "something approaching normal." Hey, wasn't he part of that illustrious "Keating 5"?
He has the same moral compass a certain President and Vice President have. (4-7-2008)
* Legacy Watch: fostered by his mantra of compassionate conservatism, George W. Bush created The Second Great Depression. (4-7-2008)
* Because of the Clintons' vast wealth, Hillary is owed the nomination. End of story. (4-7-2008)
* News from the medical front: John McCain has been diagnosed with a severe case of "Bushitis." There is no known cure or treatment. (4-6-2008)
* How does "Bush administration officials will be indicted for war crimes" strike you? (4-6-2008)
* Legacy Watch: "Ethanol George" has ushered in the Global Food Crisis. This is simply no joke. (4-6-2008)
* Presidential Dynasty Syndrome: Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton. And, Jeb and Chelsea are waiting in the wings. (4-6-2008)
* Now Hillary keeps repeating her hospital horror story whopper. I guess it all boils down to what the meaning of "is" is. (4-6-2008)
* Mugabe in secret consultation with Florida election officials about how to steal Zimbabwe election back. (4-6-2008)
* MLK: Gone but never forgotten. (4-4-2008)
* Global Warming is morphing into Global Worsening. (4-4-2008)
* Bush considers forcing gas stations to provide full service to help offset price of fuel (4-4-2008)
* Many carjackers only choose vehicles with full tanks (4-4-2008)
* With the price of gas skyrocketing, it's obvious God doesn't want us to drive. (4-4-2008)
* The Bush years have been awfully kind to the Clintons: $109,000,000. I still say Bill inhaled. (4-4-2008)
* Legacy Watch: George Washington Bush has single-handedly rewritten The Constitution. (4-4-2008)
* The Bush administration torture memo has just been declassified for all to see, but doesn't seem to be gaining media traction. How can that possibly be? I guess it's just more of the same "moral valuelessness" we've come to expect. (4-4-2008)
* The nice thing about John McCain becoming president is that there'd be a seamless transition for the White House with corruption business as usual. (4-4-2008)
* 80,000 jobs were cut in March. But, it's still not a recession, because only terrorists and unpatriotic people believe that. (4-4-2008)
* According to the latest NYT/CBS poll, 81% of Americans feel the Country is on the wrong track, to which Cheney replied, "SO?" He knows Halliburton and Big Oil aren't among them. (4-4-2008)
* Cheney & Bush still hold out hope for the discovery of WMD, or a fleet of mobile weapons labs, or another attack on American soil....something, ANYTHING! (4-3-2008)
* When are we gonna accomplish another mission, Uncle George? (4-3-2008)
* One dodged the draft altogether, the other one went AWOL. Who better to lead us into an unwinnable abyss of war, death, destruction and total catastrophic failure? (4-3-2008)
* So, 9/11 Commission Vice Chairman and Iraq Study Group Co-Chair, Lee Hamilton, is endorsing Obama because of his bold foreign policy stands. Doesn't he give a flip that Hillary took sniper fire in Bosnia? (4-3-2008)
* The problem with Iraq is the ungrateful attitude of the citizenry after all we've done for them. (4-3-2008)
* If Bush just had another term, think what he could do. He's workin' on it. (4-3-2008)
* My other car is a pipe dream. (4-3-2008)
* Oil industry lobbies for huge bicycle tax hoping to encourage Americans to choose driving (4-3-2008)
* Quit blaming Big Oil for obscene gas prices. They have no control over it. They only have control over obscene profits. (4-3-2008)
* We owe it to Exxon Mobil to stay in Iraq until they get their hands on all the oil. The Iraqi people owe us that much. (4-3-2008)
* The Clintons demand the nomination, declaring their rightful turn to be president again following the Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton pattern guaranteed them by James Carville. (4-3-2008)
* Hillary vows to show wound from Bosnia sniper attack just as soon as she confers with her plastic surgeon. (4-3-2008)
* One thing I can give George W. Bush credit for: he is the best derned swaggerer of any president we've ever had. (4-3-2008)
* Mugabe being hailed as "The George Bush of Zimbabwe" (4-2-2008)
* The Bush Administration motto for the Constitution: "Gut & Run" (4-2-2008)
* Legacy Watch: "George W. Bush ~ The Recession and Repression President" (4-2-2008)
* It's been "April Fools" everyday since 2000. (4-1-2008)
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