Shot Off The Press
December 2006

* Happy Newt Year! (Beware the Ides of "GingRICH.")       (12-31-06)

* The White House insider greeting: "Happy Noose Year!"       (12-31-06)

* The Bush administration is guilty of pure unadulterated "GLOBAL HARMING."       (12-31-06)

* 3,000 US troops killed, and untold numbers of Iraqis. But now that Saddam is dead and buried, I guess it's a wash.       (12-31-06)

* Okay, you can check off Saddam. Big deal. When Bush is brought to justice, THAT'LL be a true milestone.       (12-31-06)

* Boy, there's gonna be a big ol' barn dance in Crawford tonight!       (12-30-06)

* Iraqis hanged Saddam without any Americans present. Well then, they can just rule their own country without any Americans present, too.       (12-30-06)

* Anyone seen Osama?       (12-30-06)

* Bush: "Saddam received a fair trial"(CNN.com) ~ It's kinda' like Satan praising Diebold.        (12-30-06)

* NOW it's time to put the IMPEACHMENT NOOSE around our own dear President's neck.       (12-30-06)

* George W. Bush is thankful beyond words that the perpetrator of the 9/11 attacks has finally been executed.       (12-29-06)

* SADDAM'S GONE!!! PRAISE GOD, WE'VE WON THE WAR!!! Right?        (12-29-06)

* Inch-long pieces of Saddam's noose hit ebay       (12-29-06)

* The President says he's "making good progress" on the new war plan. He's already got a title page and the first paragraph.       (12-29-06)

* Secretary of State Rice asked to negotiate cease-fire between Rosie and The Donald       (12-29-06)

* A giant Canadian ice island has broken off from the Arctic shelf. Claiming that's still no proof of Global Warming, the President vows to reattach it.        (12-29-06)

* White House trots out James Brown interview supporting the War        (12-29-06)

* Tony Bennett alternate take: "I left my leg in Anbar Province..."       (12-29-06)

* While soldiers die needlessly in Iraq, the President risks his very own life mountain biking in Crawford.       (12-28-06)

* My prediction for Bush's new Iraq plan: Americans will be asked to unite in a NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER as tens of thousands of troops surge into Baghdad on horseback.       (12-28-06)

* More from President Ford: "And I just don't think we should go hellfire damnation around the globe freeing people, unless it is directly related to our own national security." When asked to comment, the White House said Bush is "focused on grieving." (I'm sure it's grief over the war, poll numbers, and the midterm thumpin'.)       (12-28-06)

* "Backward is the new forward!" -Dave Coe       (12-28-06)

* Gun to his head, Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne proposes putting the polar bear on the endangered species list as a threatened species: "And thus, we have defeated Global Warming."        (12-28-06)

* I've just gotta say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Now, dead presidents are attacking Bush. Can Terri Schiavo be far behind?       (12-28-06)

* George, you can't be serious: "Look, history is interesting. I read three books on George Washington last year. And my opinion is that if they're still analyzing the first president, the 43rd president ought to be doing what he thinks is right. And eventually, historians will come and realize whether . . . the decisions I made made sense." What president has this president NOT compared himself to?       (12-28-06)

* Even the late President Gerald R. Ford "very strongly" disagreed with the president's decision for going to war: "Rumsfeld and Cheney and the president made a big mistake in justifying going into the war in Iraq." Ah, what the hell did he know?       (12-28-06)

* "A Grim Milestone: U.S. Military Death Toll Exceeds the 2,973 People Killed in 9/11 Attacks"
(ABC News)
Ironically, this occurred on Christmas. Isn't it high time we ask ourselves which dictator has more blood on their hands: Saddam or Bush? One is getting hanged, the other ought to, at the very least, be impeached.
       (12-25-06)

* Proposed book title: STENCH~The Fecalegacy of George W. Bush       (12-28-06)

* The President pays tribute to James Brown, calling him "one of the funkiest Americans of our time."       (12-28-06)

* Bush agrees to work in a bipartisan way, so long as "bipartisan" still means "my."       (12-28-06)

* Saddam's execution to be offered on Pay-Per-View       (12-27-06)

* Sensing an opening, the President tries likening himself to Gerald Ford. After all, he reasons, "George W. Bush and Gerald R. Ford has the same number of letters."       (12-27-06)

* A teary President Bush tells the nation of having to put his prized Scottish terrier, Barney, down: "He no longer believed, as I still do, that victory in Iraq is possible."        (12-26-06)

* White House cook indicted for lacing President's meals with trans fat       (12-26-06)

* Recruitment Revival: literacy, citizenship, criminal background check waived; lavish casket upgrade included       (12-26-06)

* Bush jubilant over getting to operate trapdoor at Saddam's execution       (12-26-06)

* We need a new war. This one's getting sooooo boring.       (12-26-06)

* What if there's no United States left to "celebrate" George W. Bush's legacy? Then, what?       (12-26-06)

* Those stupid Iraqis act like they don't even know it's Christmas. Have they forgotten the REASON for the season?       (12-25-06)

* I just don't think it's fair for antiwar Hippies to toy with President Bush's legacy-affirming war. This is Bush's ticket to immor(t)ality, but long-haired potheads act like it's only a matter of life and death. Get real. We're talking about THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, here.       (12-25-06)

* Bah, HumBush!       (12-25-06)

* Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men...Yeah, like that'll happen.       (12-25-06)

* Yes, that's a damn good idea to send in more targets troops.       (12-23-06)

* Who needs that dumb ol' Constitution, anyways? It's so confining.       (12-23-06)

* ABSTINENCE WORKS! Just not for humans.       (12-23-06)

* Merry Bushmess       (12-21-06)

* Why are we being prepared for a war that will last decades when it could be over tomorrow?       (12-21-06)

* WANTED! Military Enlistees! Free video games, for life!* Free fast food, for life!* Anything you want, for life!* (* Must survive 5 or more tours.)       (12-21-06)

* W, I have your exit strategy: apologize, bring the troops home, resign, enter rehab.        (12-21-06)

* Once again, George W. Bush proves he's no match for anyone with a brain: "We're not winning, we're not losing."       (12-20-06)

* Dear President "Mandate Denier": just what part of "OUT OF IRAQ NOW" don't you understand?       (12-20-06)

* More troops = more gasoline for the fire       (12-20-06)

* The only New Way Forward is impeachment and conviction.        (12-20-06)

* Reverse outsourcing: Bush looks toward India to expand U.S. military; guarantees automatic citizenship for all Indian inductees       (12-19-06)

* Sending more troops is good news for casket makers       (12-19-06)

* The New Way Abyssward: "Proudly staying the course, but with more troops."       (12-19-06)

* It's a slam-dunk no-brainer: Bush Library will break ground in Baghdad.       (12-18-06)

* So what if Barrack Obama's middle name is "Hussein?" At least it's not "Limbaugh."       (12-18-06)

* I made the cover of TIME Magazine!       (12-18-06)

* George W. Grinch       (12-17-06)

* Sending more troops to Iraq is like smoking more cigarettes to battle lung cancer.       (12-17-06)

* "Deck the halls with boughs of bodies, Fa la la la la, la la lujah"       (12-16-06)

* Yes, Virginia, I DO blame President Bush for the recent spate of E. coli outbreaks.       (12-16-06)

* Send more troops to Iraq: this makes a lotta sense. Throw good money after bad. Increase the odds for many, many more needless troop and Iraqi deaths. That's the Bush Way.        (12-16-06)

* It's "Dingleberry Don's" last day. Godspeed, my arrogant lunatic.       (12-15-06)

* Epitaph for Bush's 109th Congress: "Working Hard at Not Working for the American People"       (12-15-06)

* Stay the course, but in a new way. Yeah, that's the ticket.       (12-15-06)

* Seen on W's desk, right next to "The Sanity Stops Here": "Start a War, Melt a Glacier"       (12-15-06)

* Bush's Daily Affirmation: "When God gives you Iraqs, make Iraqade"       (12-14-06)

* My Itinerary for President Bush~ 1. Accept defeat: you LOST the war. 2. Bring troops home beginning tomorrow. 3. Resign. 4. Move back to Crawford. 5. Clear brush, castrate bulls. 6. Make amends with Cindy Sheehan. 7. Scrap the Presidential Library.       (12-14-06)

* George W. Bush would have made a great proctologist.       (12-14-06)

* Bush logic: "How much oil did peace ever get us?"       (12-14-06)

* Tom DeLay is a true "paytriot."        (12-13-06)

* If we weren't spreading freedom, I'd have a problem with all the war carnage. But, democracy is a messy thing. And, Iraq is a democracy now. It's just that they don't see it.        (12-13-06)

* I laud the president for not rushing into any new plan for Iraq. It reminds me of how patient he was invading in '03. Like a fine wine, George W. Bush knows when it's time.       (12-13-06)

* Global warming will melt Arctic ice by 2040. Like big wow, that's over 33 years away.       (12-13-06)

* Epitaph for Bush's 109th Congress: "Working Hard at Not Working for the American People"       (12-15-06)

* It's "New Slogan Time" again at the White House: "A New Way Forward" in Iraq. Yeah, that'll work.       (12-12-06)

* The President secretly pines away for "do-overs."       (12-12-06)

* The Iraq Study Group is the new Edsel.       (12-12-06)

* "I'll be dead when they get it right." -George W. Bush on his Iraq Legacy- Wasn't it supposed to be 6 days, 6 weeks, or at the outside, 6 months? Funny how time slips away.       (12-12-06)

* ANOTHER anti-gay Colorado pastor has resigned after having gay sex?! It must be the birth of "Haggardarianity."       (12-12-06)

* E-Coli: acronym for "Gay Evangelical Colorado Pastors' Disease": All Evangelical Colorado pastors will be tested for E-Coli.       (12-12-06)

* I think it would be "an inconvenient goof" if you didn't run, Al.       (12-12-06)

* Thumbs down to Barack Obama running for President. He's just too inexperienced at graft, greed, corruption, arrogance, lying, and invasion.       (12-11-06)

* Mel Gibson attends Iran Holocaust conference       (12-11-06)

* blairsnow: polite form of "bullshit": Tony Blair and Tony Snow are both full of blairsnow.        (12-11-06)

* It's always best to keep your enemies close.       (12-11-06)

* George W. Bush: Nixon on steroids.       (12-10-06)

* The President is making a mockery of the only true mandate he ever got from the American people.       (12-10-06)

* Bush, Cheney, Rove: "Gorillas Gone Wild"       (12-10-06)

* Invade the White House: impeach, convict, REPEAT.       (12-10-06)

* The President bows to pressure and formulates a bold new war plan: "STAYbilize the Course"       (12-9-06)

* 71% of Americans disapprove of Bush's war policy. THAT'S ALL?       (12-9-06)

* How many innocent trees gave their lives to print the ISG Report just so Bush and Cheney could ignore it?       (12-9-06)

* George Bush's I R A Q A L Y P T O       (12-8-06)

* Agriculturally speaking, the more appropriate state spelling is "Colifornia."       (12-8-06)

* The Iraq Study Group will now continue its pointless work as The Global Warming Study Group.        (12-8-06)

* The President once again displays his overwhelming command of linguistics: "It's bad in Iraq."       (12-8-06)

* I wonder what'll happen first: get hit by lightning, or, the troops come home?       (12-8-06)

* I assume that New Orleans is rebuilt and all displaced residents have returned because the White House never mentions Katrina anymore.       (12-8-06)

* Tony Snow has a perfect record: not one straight answer to date. He puts Scott McClellan to shame.       (12-7-06)

* Bush miffed at ISG Report's failure to address Social Security reform, immigration, a gay marriage ban, and reversal of Roe v. Wade       (12-8-06)

* My suggestions for lesbaby Cheney's name: "Hunter" if it's a boy, "Quailene" if it's a girl.       (12-7-06)

* Despite losing the War on Terror and Iraq, the president sends a spokesman to do his dirty work, telling James Baker he can go back to his day job. That is sooooooooo cute!       (12-7-06)

* "I don't need no stinking recommendations!" Is that Bush a gnarly swaggerin' bastard, or what?       (12-7-06)

* Playing the part of a dignified and humble statesman, Bush agrees to 4 of the 79 ISG recommendations.       (12-7-06)

* The Cheney interpretation of the Iraq Study Group report: "Bomb Iran."       (12-7-06)

* Gore: "This is the worst strategy mistake in the history of the United States." Bush: "I wish like hell Al had won in 2000."       (12-6-06)

* Firmly impaled on a habanero-soaked broomstick between Iraq and a hard place, the President finally gets an inkling of what it feels like to be an American or an Iraqi.       (12-6-06)

* Iraq Study Group: "The Situation In Iraq Is Grave And Deteriorating'... A Risk Of A 'Slide Toward Chaos (That) Could Trigger The Collapse Of Iraq's Government And A Humanitarian Catastrophe....The Global Standing Of The United States Could Be Diminished'"...Yada, yada, yada. Tell us something we don't know.       (12-6-06)

* "The Iraquadratic Equation": Bush is as slow to leave Iraq as he was quick to invade it = why?2        (12-6-06)

* My Official Take: Our troops will most likely come home on or about the perfect time to help win the '08 election for the Refu*klicans.       (12-6-06)

* A country with too many freedoms is doomed to greatness.       (12-5-06)

* Bush comes to Putin's defense: "Vladimir wouldn't poison anyone unless they're a threat to national security."       (12-5-06)

* I just bought a hybrid. Now I can drive twice as much.       (12-5-06)

* Bolton resigns; Bush nominates Chalabi       (12-3-06)

* Even Rumsfeld goes sour on the war. Monkeys must be flying out of butts all over Washington.       (12-3-06)

* Newter Gingrich       (SK Hall of Fame-1994)

* Agonizing over the possibilities, the President agrees to withdraw 1 troop per day.       (12-3-06)

* Lame-duck jerky, anyone?       (12-3-06)

* The President barks, "There'll be no civil war while I'm still president!"       (12-3-06)

* America has Rovarian cancer.       (12-3-06)

Back to Top           

Grant "Brad" Gerver - Featuring political left-wing humor including bumper stickers, terse verses, music and more.
"Where creativity and originality meet punctuality and good grammar."

~ Return to Home ~ Shot Off The Press ~ Writing Services ~ Buzzard Brothers ~
~ Bumper Stickers ~ Movie Reviews ~ Old Cartoons ~ Hot Links ~ Contact Information ~

 

Graphics provided by Dave Coe.
Site design support by Flagstaff Central.com, Inc.
Left-wing Political Humor site maintained by Grant "Brad" Gerver.

Copyrightę2001-2009. All Rights Reserved. The content of this left-wing political humor site is owned exclusively by Grant "Brad" Gerver of SeriousKidding.com. Reproduction of political verses, bumper stickers, or any other content is expressly prohibited unless prior permission is granted.