Shot Off The Press
October 2006

* KFC goes trans-fatless, there's a new male contraceptive, and North Korea's comin' back to the table. Does it get any better?!       (10-31-06)

* Global warming, climate change, global economic calamity, yada, yada, yada: liberal scientific conspiracy all the way.       (10-30-06)

* A shout-out to Congressman Rick "Little Georgie Bush of Arizona" Renzi. He excels at corruption just like a good neocon should.   (Don't you dare go putting a giant P in front of his first name, either.)    (10-29-06)

* My Pet Waterboard ~ A Book About Torture for Kids ~ by Dick Cheney       (10-28-06)

* Torture is a "no-brainer" for the Vice President. Great, then let's waterboard "The Dickster."       (10-27-06)

* America: it was a great run.       (10-27-06)

* Truth be told, Bush is accountable to no one but Barney.       (10-27-06)

* Don, Don, he's our man, we'll win this thing, plans be damned.       (10-27-06)

* The war in Iraq and the War on Terror will be won on or about the time I win the lottery...twice.       (10-27-06)

* "Benchmarks?" "Timelines?" "Victory?" Who are you kidding?        (10-27-06)

* Go ahead, BACK BUSH all you want.
(Just don't back up to him.)       (10-27-06)

* My Habeas just got Corpused!       (10-27-06)

* WAR CRITICS BEWARE: you'll be declared "enemy combatants" and rendered straight to hell.       (10-27-06)

* Yipee, the MexiFence is going up: tell me that ain't the most primo bilingual advertising space of all time.       (10-27-06)

* Republicans and Big Oil can't control the price of gas anymore than they can control the outcome of an election.       (10-26-06)

* Call me Daffy, but wouldn't stem cell research be helpful in treating maimed US military combatants?       (10-25-06)

* Regarding this so-called War on Terror: how do you win something you've already lost?       (10-25-06)

* 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue: a Federal Constitution-Optional Zone.       (10-25-06)

* Rush Limbaugh suffers from acute "Pukinson's Disease": he spews uncontrollable bullsh*t all over the place.       (10-25-06)

* The latest Rove attack ad: "Democrats: inflexible on the Constitution"        (10-24-06)

* Ya know, the Republicans just might have a point: those "weak" Democrats don't even have a country picked out to invade yet.       (10-24-06)

* Have another OxyContin, Rush.       (10-24-06)

* GObama '08!       (10-23-06)

* One of the President's own diplomats calls him the US arrogant and stupid?! Oh, the inhumanity of it all.       (10-22-06)

* Ever the decider, the Commander in Chief revamps his Iraq War strategy with a bold new paradigm: "SSDD": Same Sh*t Different Day       (10-21-06)

* A worn and weary President pines for the good ol' days when all he had to do was execute as many Texans as possible.       (10-19-06)

* Bush has a "Mel Gibson Moment" and admits Iraq parallels Vietnam. Oops.       (10-19-06)

* My favorite Republican was assassinated at Ford's Theater.       (10-17-06)

* If we had wanted Satan to be president, we would have elected him.       (10-17-06)

* The Republicans have shot themselves footless.       (10-17-06)

* Welcome aboard, North Nukorea!       (10-16-06)

* The difference between George W. Bush & Kim Jong-il: one likes clearing brush, the other doesn't.       (10-16-06)

* In a valiant effort to save his career, Mel Gibson offers to become U.S. Ambassador to Israel.       (10-16-06)

* Republicans fall ill to E. foley taint.       (10-16-06)

* Mommy, Mommy, that cloud looks just like a mushroom!       (10-16-06)

* Now Playing: George W. Bush & Karl Rove star as 2 evangelical thugs in Lasso the Rapture: Chasing Armageddon       (10-16-06)

* Bush a godsend for uranium enrichment industry       (10-16-06)

Gone again. I'll be back Monday, 10-16. Thanks. -gerv

* N. coli: Neocon coli, also known as "Neocoli"       (10-13-06)

* Rove strikes "MORAL VALUES" from Republican platform.       (10-13-06)

* Here's an analogy for you: we're all just PAGES being boinked by the White House.       (10-13-06)

* Desperate Republicans try blaming God for their nasty predicament.       (10-13-06)

* Google purchases Internet; will change www to ggg       (10-10-06)

* Mark Foley should have left all children behind.       (10-10-06)

* For the record: no, Mark Foley, you don't make me a little horny.       (10-10-06)

* Where's that perky president been with all his good news about Iraq and all the other great missions accomplished?        (10-10-06)

* Rove seen running, screaming down Pennsylvania Avenue clad only in underwear       (10-10-06)

* The Axis of Evil begins at the White House.       (10-11-06)

* Can't you just picture Bush and Kim Jong-il walking hand-in-hand Saudi-style?       (10-11-06)

* That Kim Jong-il, boy. He's such an arrogant despot. He'd make a great Republican.       (10-11-06)

* Only 654,000 Iraqis have died as the result of Bush's war? Hell, that's not even a million.       (10-11-06)

* George W. Bush has the moral values of Genghis Kahn.   (Thanks to Nancy Gerver)    (10-10-06)

* I love the smell of neocons frying in the morning.       (10-10-06)

* Goddamn, how many more genies are ya gonna let outa' the bottle, Mr. President?       (10-10-06)

* Gee, you don't think Karma's coming back to haunt the Republicans, do you? Or, is it just Terri Schiavo?       (10-9-06)

* Neocon Nightmare: Mark Foley is not only gay, he's a "Repedophile." And, the coverup is just as exciting. Love seeing you all squirm.       (10-9-06)

* North Korea: welcome aboard, you nuclear stud! Now, just invade an oil-rich nation for no reason and you'll really have arrived.       (10-9-06)

Well my friends, I'm going to be on the road for much of the next two weeks. I'll catch up with you as soon as I can. Thank YOU for taking the time to read my stuff. --grant

* Remember when the Republican Party was supposedly all about moral values? Mommy!       (10-3-06)

* Being hit from every side at every turn, a panicked White House hunkers down: it's back to Social Security reform.       (10-3-06)

* Thank YOU, MARK FOLEY, for being a REPUBLICAN.       (10-2-06)

* Geeze, a Republican Congressman can't even send sexually explicit messages to underage male pages anymore? But wait, he was co-chair of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus? And, he sponsored legislation to crack down on pedophiles and to protect children on the Internet? And, the Republicans have only known about these messages for A YEAR OR MORE? Ooooo, icky.        (10-2-06)

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