Shot Off The Press
September 2006

* George W. Bush: "Denier In Chief"        (9-30-06)

* With Iraq neatly in the dumpster, Afghanistan is sure to follow.       (9-30-06)

* Jesus gives Woodward's State of Denial two thumbs way up.       (9-30-06)

* The Bush admin-spin: "Every criticism thrown at us is just a partisan attack for political gain." What the hell ISN'T?       (9-30-06)

* Bush's new torture "compromise" bill: I smell the stench of a special signing statement.        (9-29-06)

* Abroveamoff        (9-29-06)

* To Bush's utter dismay, his dog, Barney, thinks US should withdraw        (9-29-06)

* Bob Woodward placed on "No-Fly List"       (9-29-06)

* Death row inmates have new option: death by spinach.       (9-29-06)

* Nuclear weapons are God's way of reminding you that there is no God.       (9-28-06)

* Is biofuel is Biofoolish?       (9-28-06)

* Maybe George W. Bush will fall down a well. It COULD happen.       (9-28-06)

* With his boy on the ropes, Rove must do what he does best: spin shit into feces.       (9-27-06)

* The Constitution has left the building.       (9-27-06)

* I gotta give the Republicans credit: they sure kick the Democrats' ass when it comes to spreading terror.       (9-27-06)

* The Rove-Bush Theorem: "The Means Justifies the Means"       (9-27-06)

* Boy, President E. Coli sure gets pissy when there's a leak from the White House that he didn't personally authorize, and ESPECIALLY, since it divulges that HIS war is not only causing MORE terror, but making us all LESS safe.       (9-26-06)

* The President still speaks as if we invaded Iraq for any reason other than the REAL one: FOR NO REASON.       (9-26-06)

* We've traded a million causes worth winning for one we've already lost.       (9-26-06)

* I was sorely disappointed in "Jackass: Number Two." I expected a Cheney biography.       (9-26-06)

1. Bears shit in the woods.
2. Hobos want donuts.
3. Bush causes terrorism.       (9-26-06)

* Elect BILL CLINTON First Lady

I'll be back on Monday, September 25th. Keep giving 'em hell! Thanks for reading, folks. -grant

* W = MassCrap squared       (9-22-06)

* Pakistan's Musharraf says he was threatened with being bombed back to the Stone Age by the US. Oh, come on, like we just go around bombing the Middle East, for Christ's sake.        (9-22-06)

* Compromise detainee bill replaces "torture" with "Persuasive Interrogatory Procedures (PIP)."       (9-22-06)

* We're a Bush-hair away from the DRAFT.       (9-22-06)

* Detain the Bush administration and ship 'em to Syria for "questioning."       (9-22-06)

* The USDA recommends all Americans grow their own spinach.       (9-21-06)

* Unbeknownst to her, Tom DeLay is secretly funding Hillary's campaign.       (9-21-06)

* The Bush administration: "Stewards of Ruin"       (9-21-06)

* Hugo Chavez calls George W. Bush "the devil?!" Just who does he think he is, spouting the truth like that?!       (9-21-06)

* Bush at his best: "Only Christian nations can handle the responsibility of having nuclear (nuke-you-ler) weapons."       (9-20-06)

* Swaggerin' George: "A Legacy of Lunacy"       (9-20-06)

* Enraged Muslims are drawing flurry of cartoons of the Prophet Jesus.       (9-19-06)

* Are you ready for some football?! "Tonight, It's the Christians versus the Muslims in what many feel is a preview of World War III..."       (9-19-06)

* Bush and the Pope: "The Jihad Brothers" (aka "The Bombastic Blasting Caps")       (9-19-06)

* An apologetic and remorseful Pope confesses drawing cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed       (9-17-06)

* Popeye said to be resting comfortably while recovering from E. coli infection       (9-17-06)

* Send all your tainted spinach to the White House.       (9-17-06)

* Pope-a-Dope style rhetoric sends Islamic world into frenzy       (9-16-06)

* Sing along with me: "Ney-Ney-Ney-Ney, hey-hey-hey, GOOD-BYE!"       (9-16-06)

* Whoa, Nelly! You mean to tell me Colin Powell is a Nazi sympathizer just like you and me because he's against torture?       (9-16-06)

* "Rumsfeld" doesn't rhyme with "prick," but it should.       (9-16-06)

* George W. Bush is a one-man terrorist incubator.       (9-15-06)

* An angry Bush declares, "The Geneva Convention is as bogus and outdated as the Constitution."       (9-15-06)

* The President is said to be "tortured" over his failure to be able to mistreat detainees.       (9-15-06)

* What would Terri Schiavo say? I'm sure Bill Frist and Tom DeLay can raise her from the dead and channel her spirit.       (9-15-06)

* The War on Terror is a sick joke. When's the last time somebody declared war on a tactic?       (9-15-06)

* A disgruntled President snaps: "I am the decider. We MUST be allowed to torture detainees in order to get confessions even if they're phony."       (9-15-06)

* R.I.P. Ann Richards: you always gave better than you ever got. Godspeed, dear Governor. "Poor George" will live on forever.       (9-14-06)

* Have you noticed that the White House suddenly has no good news to report out of Iraq? What about that shining gem, Tal Afar, Mr. President?       (9-14-06)

* The problem in Iraq is that they just don't want to be Americans. And, after all we've done for them.       (9-14-06)

* George 3:16       (9-14-06)

* So damn what if there's a drastic shrinkage of arctic ice: how many folks ice skate anyway?       (9-14-06)

* Global warming is a conspiracy of the lunatic left. What, you trust scientists?       (9-14-06)

* Tony Blair is Bush in British clothing       (9-14-06)

* If only we could convert all those pesky Muslims into Christians...if only...       (9-14-06)

* If things get any more secure in Iraq, there'll be no one left to kill.       (9-14-06)

* Security in Baghdad is akin to the biggest ponzi scheme ever known to mankind.       (9-14-06)

* It's oh-so-obvious that White House plumbing runs UPHILL.       (9-14-06)

* 9/11 and Iraq go together like compassionate and conservatism.       (9-14-06)

* Why does Country Joe and the Fish's "Fixin' to Die Rag" keep playin' in my head?       (9-14-06)

* The War on Terror is The Creator of Terror. Sweet!       (9-14-06)

* Underneath that harsh exterior, Dick Cheney really has a harsh interior.       (9-14-06)

* Quoting the BBC: "The UN secretary general has said that most Middle East leaders regard the US-led invasion of Iraq and its aftermath as a disaster for the region." Off to a secret US dungeon for you, Kofi.       (9-14-06)

* Alone with his thoughts, the Decider in Chief reflects: "The more people that's slaughtered in Iraq, the more I'm right."       (9-13-06)

* Cheney wants war critics sent to GITMO       (9-13-06)

* Keith Olbermann sums it ALL up better than anyone: 9/11~"This Hole in the Ground". A true MUST-READ/LISTEN!       (9-12-06)

* George W. Bush asks Americans to understand his "Mein Kampf."       (9-12-06)

* According to what-used-to-be "OUR" government, I'm apparently nothing more than a morally and intellectually confused Nazi sympathizer who validates the strategy of the terrorists by being a PROUD WAR CRITIC. So be it.       (9-12-06)

* The Bush administration is single-handedly transforming neocons into neo-Nazis. Is this a beautiful country, or what?       (9-12-06)

* I give Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld all the credit in the world: they aren't soft on terror one tiny little bit. Hell, they CREATE it! Now, that's ballsy.        (9-12-06)

* It's so WEIRD: the closer we get to midterms, the lower gas prices go.       (9-12-06)

* George Bush would NEVER stoop so low as to use 9/11 for political purposes. Rove would.       (9-12-06)

* George War Bush: "neoCONAN The Barbarian"       (9-12-06)

* The War on Terror = The War on Freedom       (9-12-06)

* I give Bush credit for one thing: he sure knows terrorists. It's almost like he IS one.    (DUH-and-a-half.)    (9-11-06)

* I feel as safe as Iraq is free       (9-11-06)

* What the little lamb said to the Bush administration: "Ewe baaaaaaaaastards!"       (9-9-06)

* Bush, Cheney, & Rumsfeld viciously attack the The Senate Intelligence Committee and the CIA as unpatriotic, not unlike Nazi sympathizers, for reporting the truth during a time of war.   (Happy Birthday, CHAZBRO!)    (9-8-06)

* Bush Logic: "If you can't beat Fascism, join it."   (Happy Birthday, CHAZBRO!)    (9-8-06)

I'll be back on Friday, September 8th. Keep giving 'em hell! Thanks for reading, folks. -grant

* Dear Fellow War Critics: how does it feel to have YOUR PRESIDENT liken you to Nazi sympathizers? Why, I've NEVER sympathized with that Nazi, Bush!        (9-2-06)

* George W. Bush is "The Warren Jeffs of Nation-Building"       (9-1-06)

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