Shot Off The Press
July 2006

* An Anthem for Our Times:
"Oh, a storm is threatning
My very life today
If I dont get some shelter
Oh yeah, Im gonna fade away
War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away..." ~ from Mick & Keith's "Gimme Shelter" (Dedicated to Karl & Sheri)

* Mel Gibson: "BraveFart"       (8-1-06)

* Bush calling for "sustainable peace" in the Mideast is like Ahmadinejad calling for it.       (7-31-06)

* Mel Gibson becomes honorary member of Hezbollah       (7-31-06)

* "George Bush, the War President, urges peace in the Middle East. Meanwhile, The Three Stooges prepare to perform a Shakespearean tragedy."    (KAZ, Rolling Stones, Incorporated)    (7-29-06)

* "I swerve to the Left at right-wingers."    (KAZ, Rolling Stones, Incorporated)    (7-29-06)

* YOUR President: "This is a moment of intense conflict in the Middle East. Yet our aim is to turn it into a moment of opportunity and a chance for broader change in the region." Nice try, "Bushbollah," but WE ain't buyin' it!       (7-30-06)

* But alas, there is some GOOD news amidst all the darkness: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have tied the knot. I can't wait for the consummation video.       (7-30-06)

* Mel Gibson will direct and star in "The Passion of the Jew-Hater"       (7-30-06)

* Israeli bomber seen circling Mel Gibson's Malibu estate.       (7-30-06)

* Bush Diplomacy has been extremely successful in promoting civil war and an overall global cauldron of terrorism and bloodshed. MISSION F'ING ACCOMPLISHED one more time. Hail to the misCHIEF!        (7-30-06)

* I'm working on an MBA: Make Bush Accountable       (7-29-06)

* In an effort to silence his critics once-and-for-all, a proudly defiant Tony Blair chirps, "I have never been Bush's poodle! At the very least, I am his Doberman."       (7-29-06)

* Blair fails to see humor in Bush's dog-toy gift       (7-29-06)

* Funny how everything Bush does drives the price of gas higher, benefitting "His Oilness," Cheney, and all their crooked big-oil cronies.       (7-29-06)

* Halliburton giddy over prospects of rebuilding Lebanon       (7-29-06)

* It's all about the "O": Obscene BIG OIL       (7-28-06)

* New World Order: CHAOS, MURDER & MAYHEM       (7-28-06)

* Condoleezza Rice: the human crown fire       (7-28-06)

* hsuB .W egroeG: "The Ass Backwards President"       (7-26-06)

* "As the Iraqis stand up, we'll stand down." How's about we stand down SO THEY CAN STAND UP?       (7-26-06)

* You don't seem to hear much White House spin these days. Hell, THEY probably don't even believe it anymore.       (7-26-06)

* Iran and Syria must just love George W. Bush: he handed them the keys to the Middle East.       (7-26-06)

* You can't spread freedom until you first spread peace, dumbass.       (7-26-06)

* The Middle East does have a rosy glow to it, don't you think? (Yet, STILL no rose petals.)       (7-26-06)

* The President is unwavering: "We will limit the number of sectarian murders in Baghdad to 100 a day, or more."       (7-26-06)

* The White House officially downgrades the war in Iraq to a "skirmish."       (7-26-06)

* Up Bush Creek Without a Paddle       (7-26-06)

* Rove blames Gore for creating Global Warming just so he could make a really popular movie.       (7-26-06)

* George W. Bush: Constitutional Rapist       (7-25-06)

* Well, the Administration was right about one thing: the Middle East is following Iraq's lead all right: straight to hell.       (7-24-06)

* I'll tell ya, I'm worried. When's the last time you heard any good news about Iraq from the White House itself?       (7-24-06)

* The Middle East: TOTAL OVERKILL       (7-24-06)

* Baghdead       (7-24-06)

* Israel appears to be taking a page out of Bush's playbook.       (7-24-06)

* An emotional President explains his veto: "I did it for Terri."       (7-23-06)

* George W. Bush: "Personal Savior of Frozen Embryos"        (7-23-06)

* We didn't elect this president: Diebold did.        (7-23-06)

* If we didn't have all this global mayhem, a lot of good Halliburton employees wouldn't have jobs.        (7-23-06)

* Bush claiming his stem cell research veto was "a moral decision" is like Satan claiming the war in Iraq was "a moral decision."       (7-23-06)

* No Stem Cell Left Behind       (7-22-06)

* So, you're telling me Jesus died for George Bush's sins? Man, that's a stretch.       (7-22-06)

* Last-ditch effort: Bush re-installs Saddam as leader of Iraq.       (7-21-06)

* Our taxes fund corruption. What a bargain.       (7-20-06)

* Wouldn't it be nice to veto George W. Bush? "Dubya, I hereby VETO your sorry ass."       (7-20-06)

* George Bush = George Custer       (7-20-06)

* I salivate at the thought of impeachment. No, make that imprisonment.       (7-20-06)

* Does the freedom of speech give the freedom to spy? Just ask Alberto.       (7-20-06)

* That is so totally tear-jerking that Bush feels embryonic stem-cell research "crosses a moral boundary." Do I even have to say it?       (7-20-06)

* If you would have let the Middle East evolve into democracy on ITS own terms, Dubya, FREEDOM might have happened. What you've "spread" IS TERRORISM. Now, THAT'S a legacy to be haunted by.        (7-19-06)

* The Bush administration: "A Heyday for TERRORISTS"       (7-19-06)

* JESUS could have never been a Republican. He was a LIBERAL for Christ's sake!       (7-19-06)

* Okay, think HARD about it now, "BUSHVANGELICALS": YOUR PRESIDENT IS REAPING EXACTLY WHAT HE'S SOWED. The Middle East is exploding unto oblivion in BIBLICAL proportions. Get it?       (7-19-06)

* Bush blocked a probe into his illegal spy program. I can't believe it! We're at war, Goddamnit! Okay, so he lied us into war. Is that a crime?! NOT ACCORDING TO "BUSHBOLLAH."       (7-19-06)

* When the Stem Cell Bill passes, it's "VETO Bushleone!"       (7-17-06)

* "Stop doing this shit, George!" (Oops, how was I to know my mic was on?)       (7-17-06)

* Gas prices are up, the WORLD is DOWN.       (7-15-06)

* George W. Bush is the straw that stirs the drink of gloabal terrorism. And, he just keeps on stirring, and stirring, and stirring...        (7-15-06)

* You had absolutely no idea it would pan out this way, did you, Dubya?       (7-15-06)

* George W. Bush is the terror this War is all about.       (7-15-06)

* A cocksure President Bush: "I promise the American people complete and total victory in The War on Terror, just like we did in Vietnam."       (7-14-06)

* The Middle Beast       (7-14-06)

* The George W. Bush asteroid has struck the Middle East.       (7-14-06)

* Really good news: the Iraqi government has taken total control over a library.       (7-14-06)

* Godspeed, Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson: ram it to those arrogant bastards!       (7-14-06)

* Class action: why don't we ALL sue Cheney, Rove, and Libby?       (7-14-06)

* Actually, the Middle East maelstrom has an upside: it's great for Bush & Cheney's oil buddies.       (7-14-06)

* Hey, all you freedom-spreading Bush-lovers: think about how great your good Evangelical president is every time you get hosed at the pump.       (7-14-06)

* Bush fires Rove; brings Hannity, Coulter, O'Reilly, & Limbaugh onboard. Now they've got enough assholes to fill Lake Pontchartrain.        (7-13-06)

* Has it ever occurred to you that Halliburton dreamt up the War on Terror? Hell of a good business decision.       (7-13-06)

* The world has gone completely mad, and we owe it all to "The Great Igniter," George W. Bush: MAKING THE WORLD SAFE FROM PEACE since 2000.       (7-13-06)

* Already fully engorged on our tax dollars, Halliburton must be laughing all the way to the Bank of Greed about losing their contract.        (7-13-06)

* Bushification of the Middle East means we don't have to worry about being safe anymore...because we never will be.       (7-13-06)

* I hereby christen thee "Bob Rovak."       (7-12-06)

* I-R-A-Q: it doesn't matter how you arrange the letters, it still spells "CATASTROPHIC FAILURE."       (7-12-06)

* Have you hugged your Constitution today? It may not be here tomorrow.       (7-12-06)

* If it weren't for LIBERALS, we'd all be wearing the same uniform.       (7-12-06)

* Is this a GRATE Country or what?!       (7-11-06)

* "Freedom of Speech" now means "Speak Freely and You'll be Prosecuted."       (7-10-06)

* My proctologist says I can't tolerate much more of the Bush administration.       (7-10-06)

* Working feverishly to raise money for the midterms, the RNC is marketing "The Dick Cheney Hunter's Face Shield."        (7-9-06)

* FBI nabs "al-Clouda" terror cell plotting to create hurricanes, tornadoes       (7-8-06)

* Run, TOM, Run!       (7-8-06)

* The latest woman-to-man bedroom insult: "You performed like a North Korean missile."       (7-7-06)

* And, while we're at it: the latest talk-dirty-to-me line: "I'll be the Sea of Japan if you'll be my Taepodong missile."       (7-7-06)

* My tribute to "Kenny Boy": RepubLAYcans       (7-7-06)

* Okay, so like, how will we know when we've won the War on Terror, again? When all the Muslims become Christians?       (7-7-06)

* Welcome back to politics, Tom. God, we missed ya, Hammer. Terri's smiling down on you, man.       (7-7-06)

* Jeb Bush offers to send election "experts" to Mexico (wink, wink)       (7-6-06)

* North Korea has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that it can, indeed, attack water.       (7-6-06)

* That's cool: we launch the Shuttle, North Korea launches a bunch a' missiles.       (7-5-06)

* AMERICA: The Red, White, and Booed       (7-4-06)

* Thoroughly pissed over the Guantanamo ruling, President Bush fires the Supreme Court.       (7-4-06)

* Another holy American day to do your patriotic duty: DON'T FLY THE FLAG!       (7-4-06)

* All the fireworks in the Universe can't blind us from our aggressive, oppressive, anti-democratic government.       (7-4-06)

* There's not much to celebrate on this Independence Day. We're in the same boat the Revolutionaries were on July 4th, 1776.       (7-4-06)

* Funny how American troops' war crimes mirror the Bush administration's war crimes. (Actually, it's NOT funny at all.)       (7-4-06)

* You can't blame a few dozen brutal crimes by American troops on the military. It's just the acts of a few demented scalawags. You know, the ones in the White House.       (7-4-06)

* "jerrovekoff": a person who single-handedly sabotages a nation's constitution until it is completely abandoned.       (7-2-06)

* It's just so sophomoric to call Bush a jackass, or a body part, or a mentally-challenged lugnut. HOWEVER, it's as satisfying as it is necessary.       (7-2-06)

* Karl Rove: "The Slimeball's Slimeball"       (7-2-06)

* We WON'T Be Fooled Again!!! (right?)       (7-2-06)

* "Gay Swift Boat Vets for Truth" establishes concrete proof of a Rove-Limbaugh decade-long love affair       (7-1-06)

* Howard Dean is frantically researching genetic engineering options for growing the Democratic Party some balls.       (7-1-06)

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