Shot Off The Press
July 2005

Dear Friends: I'll be back soon. Until then, please go to Shot Off The Press Archives. Many thanks for reading. ~Grant "Brad" Gerver.

* The WAR ON TERROR has now officially morphed into the STRUGGLE AGAINST VIOLENT EXTREMISM. Same shit, different day.    (7-27)

* Here's a giant oxymoron for you: NATIONAL SECURITY. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!    (7-27)

* Lest we forget: "Bush & Rove, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."    (7-27)

* George W. Bush: just one a' the guise.    (7-27)

* In a strange "Halliburtonesque" sorta' way, our tax dollars are paying to hire insurgents for the Iraqi police force.    (7-27)

* George and Karl: "TURD Brothers".    (7-27)

* DON'T, HILLARY, DON'T    (7-27)

* George W. Bush ushers in "The Era of Terrornoia".    (7-27)

* The President is overheard lamenting: "Can't we just develop a 'delete insurgency' key on some military computer?"    (7-26)

* The killing of London's Jean Charles de Menezes: a stiff upper slip.    (7-26)

* Mass Transit Law begins monday: all passenger baggage, backpacks, handbags, and clothing must be transparent.    (7-26)

* Congratulations, LANCE ARMSTRONG! Now please, for the love of God, keep your distance from the President.    (7-25)

* Karl Rove: bad dog, bad dog!    (7-25)

* The Latin classification for our President: Bushithicus Stupidious.    (7-25)


* It's about time I had something good to say about George Bush for a change. I've blasted and skewered him unmercifully. He's the President for God's sake. So here's the best I can do: the First Lady's kind of a babe.    (7-24)

* Visualize Bush waving a final victory-sign goodbye as he boards the presidential helicopter for the last time.    (7-24)

* Cracked nuts anyone? The President and "Turd Blossom's" family jewels are really being squeezed in the MORAL-VALUE VISE.    (7-24)

* Rove's breach of our national security is completely Bush-league.    (7-24)

* Be honest with me: aside from Bush, Rove, Cheney, and Condi, have you ever heard a bigger bullshitter than Donald Rumsfeld?    (7-24)

* Iraqi troop readiness: 3% and rising with a bullet.    (7-23)

* The new yellow ribbon magnet: USA FREEDOM SPREADER    (7-23)

* Bush lobbies for a Disneyland in Iraq. Halliburton begins the planning phase.     (7-23)

* Top-selling bumper sticker: "My cover was blown by 'Turd Blossom'*."    (*Karl Christian Rove) (7-23)

* Islamic Extremists' Talking Points Memo:
1. Bush
2. Iraq
3. Abu Ghraib
4. Gitmo
5. Tom Tancredo

* Desperate to raise morale, the President urges the troops to "Win one for the Gipper."    (7-22)

* FEAR is W's meth: he's addicted to it, causes it, rules by it, and revels in it.    (7-22)

* Iraq: "The Passion of the Bush"    (4-30-04)

* The Patriot Act: uncivil liberties    (7-21)

* My President went to Iraq and all I got was this lousy coffin.    (7-21)

*    (insert any neocon)    HAPPENS    (7-21)

* Oh goody, we're entering my favorite phase of a political scandal: the cover-up.    (7-20)

* Okay, John Roberts is the Supreme Court nominee. Now, back to ROVE.    (7-20)

* Rove vs. Wade    (7-20)

* The President mulls putting Rove on shuttle until things cool off.    (7-19)

* Spreading freedom is not only messy, it's downright suicidal.    (7-19)

* Egotisticoll® - a powerful new drug for the treatment of arrogant, overreaching political behavior.    (7-19)

* Preparing for worst-case scenarios, Bush theorizes that if there's an Iraqi Civil War, it simply mirrors American history, thus no cause for alarm.    (7-18)

* Jog my memory: just what "mission" was "accomplished"? (Up Iraq Creek without a paddle?)    (7-18)

* Intelligent Designers demand to be called "Hetero sapiens".    (7-18)

* So, when's that "last throes" thing 'sposed to start?    (7-17)

* First we give China Wal*Mart, now they want the world.    (7-17)

* Isn't "double super secret" a hamburger?    (7-17)

* Rove's Clintonian moment: "I never had leaking relations with that woman."    (7-17)

* Luckily, what we lack in troop strength is more than made up for in arrogance.    (7-16)

* I hereby christen thee George W. "Terror Blossom" Bush    (7-16)

* Now don't go worrying about dumb ol' China's nuclear threats against us. They're just blowin' smoke. (Aren't they? I mean, they wouldn't really...they're probably just kidding, right?)    (7-16)

* The Rove strategy: "play it close to the bowel."    (7-16)

* Bob Novak: "Jerk Blossom"    (7-15)

* Bush moves to "3 classified leaks and you're out" system of admin discipline.    (7-15)

* The White House = The White Wash    (7-15)

* The President is a man of his word: "It's hard work not to fire Karl."    (7-15)

* Karl Rove took one helluva LEAK on the White House.    (7-14)

* President Bush isn't spreading freedom so much as he's fertilizing terrorism.    (7-14)

* In a fit of anger, Bush demotes Rove to Supreme Court nominee.   (Thanks to Karl AZ.) (7-13)

* Rove is Bush's brain, and apparently his colon, too.    (7-13)

* Maybe Bush is on that Parkinson's drug that causes compulsive gambling. That would explain a lotta things.    (7-13)

* Why is it that no hurricane was ever named "Jeb"? I mean, has their ever been a bigger blowhard?    (7-13)

* The only way to win the war on terror: total mandtory nudity.    (7-13)

* Save Old Glory: death penalty for flag-burning.    (7-13)

* Hillary! I am deeply offended by your total lack of respect for Alfred E. Neuman.   (Thanks to Nancy Gerver.) (7-12)

* I hope like hell Bush doesn't have to invade another country to divert attention away from his best friend, Karl's scandalous leak.    (7-12)

* If President Bush is a man of his word, then he'll be firing that "Turd-Blossom Architect" Rove, now won't he?    (7-12)

* "Rovegate" is being totally overblown. I mean, what's a little treason amongst friends?    (7-12)

* Hey Karl, WWJD?    (7-12)

* Happiness is Scott McClellan squirming like a worm under a magnifying glass in the hot summer sun.    (7-12)

* Iraq: based on a pack a' lies. The White House: packed full a' liars.    (7-12)

* A headline we all dream of: "Rove Accused of Molesting Priest"    (7-11)

* The BUSHWINN Bike ~ 4 pairs of red, white, and blue training wheels make it untippable. The handlebar GPS warns of an imminent collision.    (7-11)

* Indict Karl Rove. Then, roast him over an open "Plame".    (7-10)

* The basic Rove-Bush Republican credo: "You being poor works for me."    (7-10)

* Dear Britain: your steely resolve and stiff upper lip in the face of gut-wrenching adversity are nothing short of magnificent. Since no one in our government will, allow me to apologize for getting you into this mess in the first place.    (7-9)

* How can you "defeat terrorism" when you invade other countries under pathetically false pretenses?    (7-9)

* George W. Bush: terror magnet.    (7-8)

* Heck yeah, I feel sssssafer.    (7-7)

* President Bush has a wicked itch in his SCOTUS.    (7-8)

* Ignorance is bliss Bush    (7-6)

* The President enlists NASA to determine if obliterating comets with nuclear weapons might be the ticket to cooling the Earth.    (7-6)

* The latest recruitment tool: new citizens, take your oaths, then off to the military you go.    (7-6)

* May I be wrong: "The Supreme-Right Court"    (7-6)

* Under the guise of "spreading freedom" elsewhere, our freedoms are falling like dominoes HERE.    (7-6)

* I inescapably find myself visualizing George Bush smashing into a comet.    (7-5)

* In another hallucinogenic moment, President Bush compares Iraq to the very first Indpendence Day. Not in your wildest freakin' dreams, George.    (7-5)

* SATAN had a son and named him Karl Rove.    (And, his middle name really is "CHRISTIAN"? Awesome.) (7-4)

* If we can blow a hole in a comet, we can blow a hole in poverty, cancer, AIDS...    (7-4)

* Guess whose message is: "I support a culture of climate change. It is always best to err on the side of warming and money"?    (7-4)

* I'll celebrate Independence Day when we're FREE again.    (7-4)

* Suddenly, she's become Justice Sandra "Dooms-Day" O'Connor.    (7-3)

* Are you suggesting Karl Rove could have played a role in outing Valerie Plame?! That's like accusing him of conniving, below-the-belt tactics. Say it ain't so.    (7-3)

* Thank God we didn't waste $400 billion on, say, AFRICA.    (7-3)

* Bush also has twin poodles: Blair & Berlusconi.    (7-2)

* Canada, and now Spain?! Is the whole world turning Gay?! I'm movin'!    (7-2)

* Great curveball, Justice O'Connor.    (7-1)

* I nominate Nancy Grace for the Supreme Court.    (7-1)

* "Withdrawals are for banks, not troops," quips an indignant Cheney.    (7-1)

* Timetable? We ain't got no timetable. We don't need no stinking..."    (7-1)

* Good Lord, if you allow Gay marriage, what's next: joy, happiness, and equal rights?    (7-1)

* Bush looks into invading Gay-sympathizing nations.    (7-1)

* I share the road with right-wing dipshits.    (7-1)

* Speaking of "right-wing dipshits," how is it that Bob Novak gets a free pass in the Valerie Plame affair?   (good call, Karl AZ) (7-1)

* The President knows that the "G" in G8 is for George, but he isn't sure what the "8" means.    (7-1)

* We're all going to Rove in a handbasket.    (7-1)

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