Shot Off The Press
June 2005

* I can't wait to hear what Bush has to say about the war during his next speech in 2007.    (6-30)

* Deciphering the President: "We owe it to Iraq, our troops, and especially me to 'stay the mistake'."    (6-30)

* George, burn this CD and listen while you sleep: "9/11-Saudi Arabia, 9/11-Saudi Arabia, 9/11-Saudi Arabia..."    (6-29)

* The President must be holding out hope the insurgency will turn Christian.    (6-29)

* President Bush cites eminent domain as yet another rationale for going to war.    (6-29)

* Canada doesn't invade other countries, legalizes gay marriage, has universal health care, and is easy on weed. You call THAT a country?    (6-29)

* The Bush speech has renewed my faith in the President as one powerfully wicked boob.    (6-29)

* Dubya STILL dudn't git the Iraq-9/11 disconnect. But he never could comprehend those 3-D posters, either.    (6-29)

* Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Country.    (6-29)

* The only person saying "Mission Accomplished" anymore is Osama.    (6-28)

* President Bush and Tom Cruise both suffer from POS: Pompous Oaf Syndrome.    (6-28)

* "Last throes" = "5, 6, 8, 10, 12 years."    (6-28)

* I'll stop burning American flags when you stop burning America, George.    (6-27)

* GROTESQUE MISTAKE ACCOMPLISHED   (Thanks to Nancy Pelosi) (6-27)

* Allow me the honor of scribing the Presidential motto: "Ignorance is bliss. Arrogance and ignorance is even blisser."    (6-27)

* If I had to describe Bush's grotesque mistake in Iraq with just one word, it would have to be "dismisunderstandment."    (6-27)

* Rumsfeld says, "That insurgency could go on for any number of years. Insurgencies tend to go on five, six, eight, 10, 12 years.'' It's all slip-slidin' away.    (6-27)

* Basically, the only mission Bush has really accomplished is establishing a vibrant and resilient insurgency. More stuff for the legacy.    (6-27)

* It all adds up: mad cow burger has been traced to a Bush BBQ gala at Crawford in 2000.    (6-26)

* Irate psychiatrist douses Tom Cruise with Ritalin.    (6-26)

* I'm a Rocket Scientologist.    (6-26)

* L. Tom Hubbard    (6-26)

* Now even Tom Cruise thinks he's Howard Dean.    (6-26)

* J. Edgar Rove: can't you just see Karl in a dress, heels, and a tiara, waving a magic wand?    (6-25)

* Dear China: you may have Wal*Mart, but you may not touch our gasoline.    (6-25)

* Never thought I'd ever have to say this: Tom Cruise, you're a dingleberry.    (6-25)

* "I believe in Bush, Cheney, Rove, Wolfowitz, and The Tooth Fairy." --my dad, Spike Gerver     (6-25)

* Karl Christian Rove: God, I pray you're GAY.    (6-24)

* Rumsfeld's constant insistence that we're not losing the war certainly raises suspicions that we are.    (6-24)

* Cheney clarifies his "last throes" comment saying he really meant the insurgency was "sort of in its last throes."    (6-24)

* Karl, Dick 'n Don: throwing bones of obnoxious arrogance for the insurgency to lick its chops upon.    (6-24)

* The White House: in the last throes of sanity.    (6-24)

* Rove's remarks reveal one desperate little "Turd Blossom."    (6-24)

* Who hasn't been arrested in Aruba?    (6-24)

* Outa' my face, Nancy Grace.    (6-24)

* Karl Rove suddenly thinks he's Howard Dean.    (6-24)

* Yes, Karl, you guys did prepare for war all right: an illegal, immoral, suicidal one.     (6-24)

* "Architect" Karl Rove has designed the master plan for American self-destruction.    (Wait, that's not funny.) (6-24)

* Convicted preacher-Klansman Killen vows to outlive sentence: "I'll walk free when I'm 140."    (6-24)

* You and I are paying $400 billion for a terrorist breeding ground and training facility: No Terrorist Left Behind.    (6-23)

* Baghdad bumper sticker: "My recently martyred son graduated from Terrorism University of Iraq"    (6-23)

* The U.S. will provide 50,000 tons of food to North Korea so it will be more fit to invade.    (6-23)

* Any country not brave enough to withstand the burning of its flag has a much larger problem.    (6-23)

* I Really Admire Quagmires     (6-23)

* White House Strategy: if we keep smiling hard enough, everyone will love us.    (6-23)

* "terroRice": alternate spelling of terrorize    (6-23)

* Hey, a great tattoo idea: an American flag emblazoned with "It's Hard Work Working Hard"    (6-22)

* President Bush asks Americans to think in numbers of decades, rather than years, until there's an exit strategy: "The number's much lower that way."    (6-22)

* It's so weird. Since we began the War on Terror, there's much more of it. Go figure.    (6-22)

* Porter Goss brags that he's got Osama Bin Laden surrounded...............by God.    (6-22)

* Have you ever noticed that where the United States goes, so goes terror?    (6-22)

* Did you know the #1 source of suicide bombers is none other than our good old oil pals, the Saudis? We showed them: we invaded Iraq.    (6-22)

* The White House and the Pentagon need a good strong double shot a' Jack: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"    (6-22)

* Maybe Iraq could be "civilized" a little more quickly with a few well-placed golf courses.    (6-22)

* For the time being, John Bolton has been stuck in a place on the President where the sun don't shine.    (6-21)

* I Support Our Troops Not Reenlisting    (6-21)

* Hate-preacher Edgar Ray Killen: justice served 41 years to-the-day late. Amen, brother.    (6-21)

* Jeb and Dubya speak like they must have exactly the same I.Q. : reelie loe.    (6-21)

* President Bush says he thinks about Iraq everyday and grieves for those whose lives HE's lost. That's precious. And, hard work.    (6-21)

* Bush responds to the Downing Stree Memo: "It's a free country. I can bomb whoever I want."    (6-21)

* Jeb Bush campaign slogan: "Better lives for dead people everywhere."    (6-21)

* Apackalies Now    (6-21)

* End the madness: cut, run, repent.    (6-21)

* Unfortunately, the insurgency is no easier to get rid of than red ants.    (6-21)

* Oh great, Saddam loves Cheetos & Doritos. That'll probably kill him before he's executed.    (6-21)

* One would hope the FBI or CIA is looking into the Tom Cruise squirting incident.    (6-20)

* Okay, let's lighten 'er up a little bit: isn't that Paris Hilton a hoot?    (6-20)

* "Dicknocchio" says the insurgency is in its "last throes." Yet, we still have no withdrawal plan. What part of "bullshit" don't you understand?    (6-20)

* Condoleezza, you strike me as so damned hateful. I can relate.    (6-20)

* It'd be well worth going to HELL just to see GEORGE W. BUSH there.    (6-19)

* "George, George, George of the Bungle..."    (6-19)

* Pray for impeachment. Pray HARD. Pray OFTEN.    (6-19)

* Iraq: miles below hopeless.    (6-19)

* Just a quick gut check: how are all you right-wing evangelical Bush-lovers feeling these days? Lemme guess: self-RIGHTeous?    (6-19)

* You can run, BUT YOU CAN NOT HIDE from the Downing Street Memo, Mr. President.    (6-19)

* GITMO Prison Blues: "I hear that train a comin', impeachment 'round the bend..."    (Thanks to the late great JOHNNY CASH) (6-18)

* "Schiavofy": to bombastically use someone's personal tragedy for one's own greedy gain.    (6-19)

* The newest oxymoron: "computer security"   (Thanks MasterCard, ChoicePoint, LexisNexis...) (6-19)

* Hey Jeb: ya just won't let her die, will ya? Bastard.    (6-19)

* The rock-solid Democratic stance on abortion: "We're Pro-LifeChoice."    (6-19)

* Somebody put a condom on Dick Cheney.   (6-18)

* Bush tries shifting our focus from "Downing Street" to California earthquakes: "If we can send a man into space, we can surely prevent A earthquake."   (6-18)

* Georjesus and Jebsus, Terri's little guardian angels   (6-18)

* LWDD = "Look What Dubya Done"   (6-18)

* Another day, another title: George W. Bush, Undisputed King of the Self-Righteous Double Standard.   (6-17)

* Senator Dick Durbin: hey, finally a "Dick" worth cheering for!   (6-17)

* Dr. Bill Frist, specializing in the practice of medicine by videotape, is now seeking new patients.   (6-17)

* Don't you miss John Ashcroft's singing?   (6-17)

* Scotty McClellan, whatever in the world are we going to do with you, ya little Bushkisser?   (6-17)

* The Bush Exit Strategy: "Who said we were ever leaving?"    (6-16)

* Leery of the latest autopsy results, DeLay and Santorum demand Terri Schiavo's ashes be exhumed for more extensive examination.    (6-16)

* Ya gotta love the White House (if only it were painted brown).   (6-14)

* DARWIN ROCKS.
   (6-14)

* Nancy Grace: "Jurisprudence me, girl."   (6-14)

* An ode to Henny Youngman: "Take my President, PLEASE!"   (6-14)

* If Pat Tillman knew now what he didn't know then, he'd still be making picks and tackles for the Arizona Cardinals.    (6-14)

* I got a billion-dollar mortgage with no closing costs and a free appraisal. Sa-weeeeeeet.   (6-14)

* Scott McClellan: you sir, suck more hind teat than Tony Blair.   (6-14)

* Iraq: great investment.   (6-14)

* Dick Cheney has thee absolute most perfect first name of any man alive.   (6-14)

* If cliches were true, George Bush's pants would definitely have to be fireproof.   (6-14)

* Maybe Pat Tillman's greatest sacrifice will be to bring down his lying Commander in Chief.   (6-14)

* FORMERLY PROUD AMERICAN   (6-14)

* President Bush: a leader you can trust to be untrustworthy.   (6-14)

* Wal*Mart, seeking an image makeover, will now be called MoralValue*Mart.   (6-14)

* Cell phone bravado: "Got Bar?"   (6-14)

* Michael plans to open NEVERLAND CHARTER SCHOOL.   (6-14)

* Tom Cruise, "Scientology's Cupid," makes being uncool REALLY UNCOOL.   (6-14)

* NeverAgainLand   (6-13)

* O.J. sends Michael a congratulatory set of knives.   (6-13)

* The Michael Jackson verdict: He "Beat It."   (6-13)

* So bizarre: Bush thinks he's "spreading freedom," but it's at the cost of OURS.   (6-13)

* Jacko promises never to sleep with children more than once a month.   (6-13)

* Michael Jackson sure screwed up the good ol' aura of Peter Pan, didn't he?   (6-13)

* Howard Dean: a loose cannon is better than no cannon.   (6-12)

* My God kicks your God's ass.   (6-12)

* Wal*Mart: "Always free book burnings. Always."   (6-12)

* "Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak coffin..."   (6-12)

* Just think, there's a whole new generation of drivers who will never know you can drive without talking on a cell phone.   (6-12)

* No War Left Behind   (6-12)

* I drink biodiesel.   (6-12)

* "Evangelution": Christian evolution   (6-12)

* I liked President Bush much better when he was drinking and not born-again.   (6-12)

* The basic Bush aid-to-Africa excuse: "We're already aiding Iraq, which is in Africa."   (6-12)

* If there's ever a draft, "The Twins" go first.   (6-12)

* Just think, George Bush's great, great grandchildren will get the opportunity to serve in Iraq.   (6-12)

* President Bush sure as hell better embrace cloning. How else is the military going to meet its recruiting quotas?   (6-12)

* Why doesn't Dubya serve those 2 lost years of military service in Baghdad?   (6-12)

* Tom DeLay is a PEST (control expert).   (6-12)

* No way in hell Jesus supports the War in Iraq.   (6-11)

* Foundation to Undercut Conservative Klutzes   (6-11)

* George W. Bush: "Dopiate of the Masses"   (6-11)

* Airport Security will now screen Democrats to the left side, and Republicans to the right.   (6-11)

* I proudly give President Bush undisputable credit for:
   1~ Destabilizing the world.
   2~Gutting the military.
   3~Fueling terrorism.
   4~Putting America at grave risk.
   5~All in the name of Jesus.
   Quite a legacy, indeed.
   (6-11)

* A permanent Republican majority favors a permanent Iraqi War.   (6-11)

* We'd have been far better off to feed $400 billion into a paper shredder than go to war.   (6-11)

* "A Pack of Lies Takes Lives"   (6-11)

* Statue of Liberty replica erected in Baghdad.   (6-11)

* WWJD? He'd be pissed.   (6-11)

* Invading Iraq is really no different than excecuting an innocent man: you win some, you lose some.   (6-11)

* Scum terrorists nail the Twin Towers, so we in turn nail a foreign country (the wrong one, I might add).   (6-11)

* No empire lasts forever. Get used to it.   (6-11)

* George W. Bush is a lame schmuck.   (6-11)

* President Bush will be the keynote speaker at the World Proctology Centennial's "One Hundred Years of Assholes." Need I say more?   (6-11)

* Remember when WE were a democracy?   (6-11)

* Bush has been very good for liquor sales.   (6-11)

* The United States of Ametherica   (6-11)

I'll be back Thursday, June 16th. In the meantime, please go to Shot Off The Press for archive-scrolling pleasure. Thank you very much for reading. -grant    (6-10)

* Mr. President, you ARE harm's way.   (6-10)

* Actually, the Patriot Act makes us safer from FREEDOM.   (6-10)

* Good Morning, Iraqnam   (6-8)

* Bush & Blair: the Lying Bobbsey Twins.   (6-8)

* SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: Get the FUQ out of IRAQ   (6-7)

* "Geork": alternate spelling of jerk. i.e. - Why don't you try spreading PEACE, you Georkoff?"   (6-9)

* Bush and Blair deny the Downing Street Memo. Holding hands, they skip into the White House giggling like a couple of schoolgirls.   (6-9)

* "Sunk, like a rock..." Chevrolet is "Chevrolost."   (6-9)

* Admit it, we've all imagined "him" saying, "It's hard work being such an asshole."   (6-8)

* "Phonier-than-thous": too superficial even to be holier-than-thous. i.e. - Many in the Bush administration are phonier-than-thous.   (6-8)

* I love how the White House feigns outrage at being criticized for GITMO, Iraq, judges, you name it. What a bunch of classic phonies.   (6-8)

* Beware of the "Ribbon-Magnet People."   (6-7)

* Speaking of counts: how many Bush administration children are in Iraq? If any, how many are dead or mamed?   (6-7)

* WMD = We Mean Democracy   (6-7)

* Marijuana: the Antichrist   (6-7)

* IBM is creating the first accurate computer-based model of the human brain. There's hope for you yet, Mr. President.   (6-7)

* I want my REEFER!   (6-7)

* Out of curiosity, how many regions of the world can you piss off before they come back to bulldoze you into the ground?   (6-6)

* Bush, Rice, Rumsfeld: The Three Freedom Spreadsketeers   (6-6)

* Those dang al-Qaeda people. They're liars, and murderers, and connivers. They make stuff up just to cause trouble and hate. They'd probably go to war based on a pack of lies.   (6-6)

* THE ULTIMATE FORCE IS THE ANONYMOUS SOURCE: the Deep Throat saga must be scaring the hell out of the White House.   (6-5)

* W's cuddly little "Freedom-Spreader" Rumsfeld is putting the heat on China.    (6-5)

* Isn't it great to see Nixon back in the news? He looks better than ever.   (6-4)

* Combine Nixon and Bush and you get "NixBush." Great idea: NIX BUSH!   (6-4)

* Now, what about that DOWNING STREET MEMO? Why is that not gaining any traction? It's the smoking gun.    (6-4)

* Here's what I think: George Bush's service record IS bogus. Korans WERE "mishandled." But, diversionary tactics (slaughtering Dan Rather and Newsweek) deceive us from what is STILL the TRUTH.    (6-4)

* So glad about your "crazy good" sex, Britney. Finally some, like, really important news.   (6-4)

* "RoveGate," anyone?   (6-4)

* All this drudging up of Watergate in light of Mark Felt's heroic deeds makes me all the more optimistic that IT CAN HAPPEN AGAIN: LONG LIVE WATERGATE!   (6-3)

* Deep Throat must be a traitor: he brought down a Republican president.   (6-3)

* Of course we're winning the War on Terror. How can you spend hundreds of billions on it and lose the damn thing?   (6-3)

* In our government, religious tolerance applies to any religion so long as it's a Christian one.   (6-3)

* One of our own, an American, has ruled us unto ruin, claiming victory every step of the way, as if his doting subjects cannot see the emperor wears no clothes.   (6-3)

* "Credibullity": opposite of credibility; i.e. The Bush Administration is full of credibullity.   (6-3)

* President Bush is one impeachable muthuh.   (6-3)

* Have you ever given a thought to the possibility that we're actually losing the War in Iraq, and that we're actually losing the War on Terror?    (6-3)

* President Bush: kickin' up more bad karma than a billion head a' cattle.   (6-3)

* Rove, Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld ought to be forced to wear "War Dead & Mamed" and "National Debt" counters around their necks. You know, just like WE do.   (6-3)

* How in Jesus' name can God possibly be on OUR side?   (6-3)

* The Bush regime has inspired a whole new generation of Atheists.   (6-3)

* The newest rage in science, and most likely, politics: oxytocin, "the love and trust hormone." Just one little spray and... Jesus, don't let Karl Rove get a hold of that.   (6-3)

* 50 butchered by insurgents yesterday. Must be damn near the end of the insurgency, Dick.   (6-3)

* Gulagtanamo Bay   (6-3)

* Hey North Korea, you callin' my Vice President a "bloodthirsty beast?" Hell, he's much worse than that.   (6-3)

* When I'm feeling blue, I have this little mantra that I hum:
   "Immmmmmmmmmmmmmm-peach-mennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt"
   (6-2)

* Now, if we were to invade North Korea, we'd have to do it with our last 4,000 troops, right?    (6-2)

* My God, could we ever use a modern-day "Deep Throat" right now.    (6-1)

* President Bush collapses after looking into the mirror and seeing Vladimir Putin. He is resting comfortably.   (6-1)

* Rove gets machinery rolling to disband Amnesty International.   (6-1)

Grant "Brad" Gerver - Featuring political left-wing humor including bumper stickers, terse verses, music and more.
"Where creativity and originality meet punctuality and good grammar."

~ Return to Home ~ Shot Off The Press ~ Writing Services ~ Buzzard Brothers ~
~ Bumper Stickers ~ Movie Reviews ~ Old Cartoons ~ Hot Links ~ Contact Information ~

 

Graphics provided by Dave Coe.
Site design support by Flagstaff Central.com, Inc.
Left-wing Political Humor site maintained by Grant "Brad" Gerver.

Copyrightę2001-2007. All Rights Reserved. The content of this left-wing political humor site is owned exclusively by Grant "Brad" Gerver of SeriousKidding.com. Reproduction of political verses, bumper stickers, or any other content is expressly prohibited unless prior permission is granted.