Shot Off The Press
November 2004

* Did you see that new study on stress? Oh great, one more thing to worry about.    (11-30)

* I'm afraid that enriched "Iranium" crisis isn't going away anytime soon    (11-30)

* If medical marijuana is legalized, what's next? Alcohol, tobacco, caffeine?!!!!!!!!
   Oops, my mistake.    (11-29)


* "Gayssachusetts"- Right-Wing, Anti-Gay Zealots Let One Slip Away Back East    (11-29)

* Justice "DeLayed" is justice denied    (11-29)

* So, the Bush Administration is aghast at Ukraine's vote-rigged election, aye?
   Ain't that the grandest of ironies? The pot has called the kettle black.    (11-29)


* The lonesome call of the Yiddish cowboy: "Yippee-Yi-Yo-Ki-Yay-Oy-Vey!"    (11-25)

* The Ukraine Election: "Putin" the "Cold" back into Cold War    (11-25)

* www.makeyourownfluvaccine.com    (11-25)

* Alaska's new State Tourism motto: "Come Visit Before We Melt"    (11-25)

* "People for the Ethical Treatment of Turkeys" wishes you a very Happy Thanksgiving    (11-24)

* I'm an EvoCreationist: God created apes so they could evolve into humans    (11-23)

* The United Bipolar States of America    (11-21)

* NBA telecasts must now carry R rating; fans must be 18 to attend games.    (11-20)

* NBA brawl finally gives fans something interesting to watch.
   Without the NHL, ya just gotta have some wanton violence.    (11-20)


* Sporting event ticket holders urged to get "Spectator Protection Insurance"
   which will be conveniently sold at all arenas & stadiums.    (11-20)


* Arafat's official cause of death released: "Israelihatredosis leading to a boiling of the blood"    (11-20)

* Doesn't the Clinton Library make you crave another juicy little lurid Oval Office scandal?
   Ah, for the good ole days.    (11-19)


* An ominous sign in the meat case: "All beef 90% off until further notice"    (11-19)

* Mad cow variant: Mad Spy Disease said to be running rampant at the CIA.    (11-18)

* Monday Night Football: "Are you ready for some SLEAZEBALL?"    (11-18)

* A match made in heaven: "Dr. Condoleezza Rice, meet Mr. Terrell Owens..."    (11-17)

* It's finally happened: Wal*Crosoft    (11-17)

* Would it not be more efficient to officially declare Earth a democracy, and be done with it?    (11-15)

* OSAMALOL® has become the terrorist anxiety drug of choice    (11-13)

* We get to vote in the Iraqi election, don't we?    (11-15)

* Peace between Israel and the Palestinians has about as good a chance
   as the Red Sox winning the World Series. Wait, they DID win the Series!    (11-14)


* Okay, your vote may have been changed. But, at least it was counted.
   What part of "Bush Reelected" don't you understand?    (11-13)


* Thou Shalt Not Cross the Religious Right    (11-13)

* "IRAQESTINE!" U.S. and Britain insist Iraq house new Palestinian State:
   "It's a total friggin' mess anyway," admit Blair and Bush    (11-12)


* It's truly the end of an "ERAfat"    (11-11)

* I've had enough of this Global Warming paranoia. We could do with a few less species.
   On the other hand, what if one 'em is us?!    (11-11)


* Real reason Bush Administration is so anti-abortion: it compromises troop strength    (11-10)

* Fluke of all flukes: Bush accidentally resigns!    (11-10)

* Best career in Iraq: selling accidental death and dismemberment insurance    (11-10)

* Hummer Hybrid boasts doubling mileage to 8 mpg    (11-10)

* In the final analysis, it wasn't really moral values that swayed voters.
   It was just an overload of facts by Democrats.    (11-10)


* Arafat will be frozen next to Ted Williams    (11-10)

* President appoints Zell Miller Moral Values Czar    (11-10)

* Damned insurgents, they just won't stay put.    (11-10)

* Agitated Democrats ponder changing name to "MoralValueCratic Party"    (11-9)

* The United States of Evangelica (God Bless the U.S.E!)    (11-5)

* Citizens for Greenhouse Gases: "A warmer globe, a richer America"    (11-8)

* There's more to life than Nature.    (circa 1994)

* Eternal Optimism:
   Just 1455 days, 13 hours, 43 seconds until the next Presidential Election
   Just 1534 days, 13 hours, 43 seconds until the end of Bush    (11-6)


* Average Voter I.Q. plummets into double digits for first time in 40 years    (11-6)

* Trying desperately to make sense of the "moral values" exit poll results,
   Democrats can only hope it was a typo: maybe people answered, "Moron values."    (11-6)


* Pray for the Separation of Church and State    (circa 1994)

* Unfortunate mishap: President's arm broken attempting to "reach across the aisle."    (11-5)

* Shrewd gay lawsuit could result in banning all heterosexual marriages    (11-5)

* Dear President Bush: I'd like to take back all that crap I said about you, but it's hard work.    (11-3)

* God bless frozen embryos    (11-6)

* Proposed Constitutional Amendment would require membership
   in a church or other Government-approved religious institution    (11-5)


* Now, what if a gay man marries a gay woman? Does that work?    (11-6)

* It is being reported that the War on Iraq has been declared an Official Moral Value.    (11-4)

* President said to be pondering Cabinet positions for the twins    (11-4)

* Like a fly on compost, Ralph Nader is appealing to disenfranchised Democrats
   to join his newly formed NADERIAN Party    (11-4)


* My God is better than your God    (11/5)

* With the election behind it, the Government discontinues Threat Level Advisories    (11-4)

* I wouldn't call it a "mandate." It was more like a "halfdate."    (11/4)

* 2nd-term agenda: Rise up out of very deep S_ _ _.    (11-4)

* "We have less than 4 years to find the perfect candidate!"
   DNC launches desperate search for Liberal Evangelical Christian Conservative Texan    (11-4)


* FOUR MORE YEARS! (of great writing material)    (11-4)

* Democrats trying "Springsteen in '08" on for size    (11-3)

* Even though we lost the election, I promise not to whine. But, I sure am gonna bitch.    (11-3)

* POLL THIS!!!    (11-3)

* Unfortunately, the demise of the Curse of the Bambino has spawned the Curse of the Bushino.
   (11-3)

* Teenagers can be heard humming "O Can-a-da!" at malls across America
   (11-3)

* Bin Laden caught casting absentee ballot
   (11-2)

* Terrorists practice Hatriotism
   (11-2)

Grant "Brad" Gerver - Featuring political left-wing humor including bumper stickers, terse verses, music and more.
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