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Shot Off The Press:
Latest Lines
~ Always Unfair and Biased. Always. ~
"I believe in Bush, Cheney, Rove, Wolfowitz and The Tooth Fairy." --my Dad, Spike Gerver, 6-24-05
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(I'm a blues musician and songwriter with The Buzzard Brothers.)
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The new punchline: "Franken, my dear, I don't give a damn."
(6-30-2009)
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Here's the very latest on Michael Jackson: still dead.
(6-27-2009)
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If that climate bill passes, we'll all be forced to breathe cleaner air.
What about our Constitutional right to breathe toxins?
(6-27-2009)
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North Korea missile test goes awry: nuke strikes Tehran
(6-27-2009)
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Mark Sanford checks into Jimmy Swaggart Home for Wayward Evangelicals
(6-27-2009)
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Chomping on a big fat cigar, Bill Clinton explodes into laughter over the fallen Governor of South Carolina:
"He just got 'Lewinskied'!"
(6-27-2009)
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Michael Jackson, RIP: Rest In Pop
(6-26-2009)
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The Republican Party is enjoying the same popularity as sweaty week-old gym clothes.
(6-25-2009)
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Sure good to see Dick Nixon in the news again.
He is one of my two favorite dicks, the other being Cheney.
(6-25-2009)
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The Bush Family's great pals, the Saudi Royal Family, has been linked to
extensive financial support for Al Qaeda and other extremist groups. Birds
of a feather...
(6-24-2009)
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Dear Everyone, I either went hiking the Appalachian Trail, or to Argentina,
whichever works best for you. Either way, they both begin with "A". -Sincerely, Governor Sanford
(6-24-2009)
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Big Oil lobbies for steep bicycle tax.
(6-23-2009)
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I jumped back into the stock market. One nickel out of every paycheck
goes into my 401k.
(6-23-2009)
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I got a job as a dumpster security guard.
(6-23-2009)
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Good to see the price of gas skyrocketing again: Everything's getting back to normal.
(6-19-2009)
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Iran summons Florida Election Commission to verify Ahmadinejad's victory.
(6-19-2009)
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Just curious: What's Kim Jong Il's Twitter handle? I'd like to follow him.
(6-19-2009)
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Ahmadinejad says his election is no less valid than Bush's two.
(6-17-2009)
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The American Dream: dream on.
(6-17-2009)
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One thing not affected by Global Warming: the Republican Party. They're in The Ice Age.
(6-13-2009)
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The Republican Party: Dead in the waterboarding.
(6-13-2009)
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The United Hates of America: Beck, Limbaugh, Cheney, O'Reilly, Gingrich, Roeder, Von Brunn, Voight, FOX...
(6-12-2009)
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The ultimate health care reform begins at your home.
(6-12-2009)
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North Korea has loose nukes, 2 American reporter-prisoners and an insane
dictator. Maybe if we throw a Bailout their way...
(6-9-2009)
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I hope like hell they call off Christmas this year.
(6-9-2009)
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"Johnny Marijuanaseed and His Merry Band of Cannabinoids" have been spotted spreading seeds all around the countryside.
(6-5-2009)
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Since Obama's so hot to trot on health care reform, why not
Big Oil and gas price reform while we're at it?
(6-5-2009)
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Bush will be the online commencement speaker at University of Phoenix.
(6-5-2009)
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It's the anniversary of "The Tiananmen Square Massacre": 20 more years of no change in China.
Well, they do have the Hummmer now, so I guess that counts as progress.
(6-4-2009)
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President Obama is such a 180 from his predecessor. How you undo the
8 years of blunt-force Bush trauma to the Muslim world and the Middle East
is beyond me, but you must give credit where credit is due: it's the ultimate
old college try.
(6-4-2009)
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Wal-Mart is adding 22,000 jobs.
China is salivating.
(6-4-2009)
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Hey, don't tell anyone, but I have a list of all U.S. nuke sites I'll sell you cheap.
(6-3-2009)
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Do sweat the small stuff. That's all you've got left.
(6-2-2009)
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A Chinese company has bought the Hummer promising to equip the
proletariate with a good American vehicle. China deserves no less.
(6-2-2009)
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With the money GM got from selling off the Hummer, they've purchased
the Ford Edsel brand.
(6-2-2009)
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From his stance on same-sex marriage, one can only conclude that Dick Cheney is gay.
(6-2-2009)
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I kid you not, this is Bush speaking about what he wants his legacy to be:
"Well, I hope it is this: The man showed up with a set of principles, and he was unwilling to compromise his soul for the sake of popularity."
What a punchline. He never had a soul to compromise.
(5-29-2009)
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W comes out of the woodwork to exonerate himself. Well played, dumbass.
(5-28-2009)
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Ex-VP nixes library, breaks ground for "The Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney Museum of Torture."
(5-28-2009)
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Cheney, Bush, Limbaugh & Gingrich: as American as goat pie.
(5-28-2009)
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North Korea has obviously discovered meth.
(5-27-2009)
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GOP FOP: Failing Old Party
(5-27-2009)
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I want Rush Limbaugh to fail. Oh wait, he already has.
(5-27-2009)
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The RNC response to Sotomayor: "NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO!"
(PS: Response works for any potential nominee.)
(5-26-2009)
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The genie is long outa' the bottle: every country should have
the exact same type and amount of nuclear weapons. It's called
"The Nuclear Obliteration Peace Plan."
(5-25-2009)
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Cheney favors invading North Korea.
(5-25-2009)
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"Shotgun Dick's" only shooting off his mouth in hopes of getting
a big fat juicy book deal. It's pure theatrics.
He doesn't really give a hang about the Country. He just wants your money.
(5-23-2009)
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Get out of the Middle East. Let Israel handle it.
(5-23-2009)
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The measure of a man is not by how much money he has. Well, yeah it is.
(5-23-2009)
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If torture works so damn well, why didn't it lead Bush & Cheney to Bin Laden
and the WMD?
(5-23-2009)
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Got no house, got no job, got no retirement. I like to call it
"The Trifecta."
(5-23-2009)
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You know who really needs to be waterboarded, don't you?
(5-23-2009)
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Dick Cheney argues that waterboarding actually helps detainees
by making it easier for them to cough up information.
(5-23-2009)
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Dick Cheney: as always, shooting straight from the rectum.
(5-22-2009)
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You can not say the CIA lies or misleads, even though it has, does, and will continue to do so.
(5-22-2009)
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Dick Cheney proves once again that he is nothing short of a lying
traitor, scheming terrorist in his own right, and, a dick.
(5-22-2009)
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If loaded guns are allowed in National Parks, my greatest fear is this:
what if the animals get a hold of 'em?
(5-21-2009)
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Budget trauma forces California to consider becoming first homeschool-only state.
(5-20-2009)
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Bush + Cheney + orange jumpsuits = Justice
(5-20-2009)
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Collapsifornia
(5-20-2009)
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Schwarzenegger orders Californians to begin planting marijuana immediately.
(5-20-2009)
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Jack Cafferty wants Bush, Cheney and their accomplices behind bars.
Yeah, that works.
(5-19-2009)
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Bush sustains monster paper cut organizing Cliff's Notes section for library.
(5-19-2009)
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We have the right leader at the right time.
(5-19-2009)
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Crystal-clear Hubble image from new camera shows TARP money being sucked down black hole.
(5-15-2009)
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CA beauty pageant winner Carrie Prejean is "The Sarah Palin of California."
Like anyone really gives a shit.
(5-15-2009)
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If the Country is less safe, Cheney made it so.
(5-13-2009)
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Torture and Cheney: kindred spirits.
(5-13-2009)
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Former White House doctor admits shooting Bush, Cheney
full of steroids.
(5-13-2009)
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Bush couldn't get Bin Laden or Bernie Madoff.
(5-13-2009)
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Manny Ramirez: shave your head and repent, you doping dope.
(5-7-2009)
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You can't blame Manny for taking female hormones: his nads were shrinking,
man!
(5-7-2009)
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A forthright and perky Bristol Palin promises to abstain from sex
until the next time she has it.
(5-7-2009)
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The Palins call for a prohibition on teen sex, just like
the one on marijuana.
(5-7-2009)
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What we need is a War on Sex.
(5-7-2009)
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The Swine Flu Pandemic has been downgraded to a "Bushdemic."
(5-5-2009)
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I have evaluated myself using the government's stress test for banks.
I am eating it! Bailout, please.
(5-5-2009)
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Amsterdam tourism industry pays lobbyists millions to foil US marijuana reform.
(5-5-2009)
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Joe Biden yells "FLU!" in crowded movie theater.
(5-5-2009)
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Biden has been asked to surrender his mouth.
(5-2-2009)
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Every time I hear a toddler scream "NO!" it reminds me of the
Republican Party.
(5-2-2009)
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Is legalizing marijuana the "gateway" to legalizing gay marriage
just like it's the gateway to heroin addiction and fornication orgies?
Why yes, yes it is.
Stand up with me and fight for your right to be intolerant as hell.
(5-2-2009)
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Harriet Miers is all a dither about her second chance for a Supreme Court nomination.
(5-1-2009)
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A desperate GOP makes Joel Osteen an offer he can't refuse to rescue the
Party as its new leader.
(5-1-2009)
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The air's filthy, the rivers are full of toxins, and the temperature's rising. But,
I got a steal on a new Dodge Ram.
(5-1-2009)
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I finally found a new job as a relief hamburger flipper and busboy
at Wal*Mart. It's a little different from my last job as a
subprime mortgage specialist.
(5-1-2009)
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One more time for kicks and giggles: for those of you who voted
The Bush Regime into office TWICE, enjoy the fruits of your labor.
(5-1-2009)
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Overheard EVERYWHERE:
"Git yer bike helmet, the beer, the candy, the AK-47, and let's head to the fruit cellar,
Gertie! The swine flu's a' comin'!"
(4-29-2009)
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What an honor: they named the current flu epidemic after the former
vice president.
(4-28-2009)
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Come on down, Arlen Specter!
(4-28-2009)
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Clean coal = healthy heroin = CO2xymoron
(4-28-2009)
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fuCOAL
(4-28-2009)
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Fly a jumbo jet at low altitude over downtown Manhattan: makes
about as much sense as invading a foreign country just for the oil.
(4-28-2009)
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100 days in office, a million times more accomplished than Bush in 2,920.
(4-28-2009)
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New blues tune:
"My retirement left me, 'bout the break a' day,
She done vanished with all my pay..."
(4-28-2009)
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The Cheney Method of Interrogation: torture first, ask questions later.
(4-26-2009)
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Remember, it's not torture if you call it "interrogation techniques."
(4-25-2009)
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I love Dick Cheney going to bat for the Bush administration.
So much overlooked good was done, especially by the Vice President.
(4-25-2009)
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I must restate the obvious once again: regardless of what anyone thinks of Obama's
efforts to restore the Neoconomy, it was the Republicans who got us where we are. So,
as I shake my head in bewilderment at what I believe to be wrong-headed strategy to get us
out of this mess, it all happened on Bush's watch. Let us never forget that as more and more
Americans get screwed out of their jobs, their homes, their retirements and their dreams,
the culture of arrogant greed run amuck continues nearly unabated.
(4-24-2009)
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Now a few words for the credit card industry: may I suggest a mass default by
all Americans who are tethered to these plastic pieces of shit while the industry
feels obligated to raise their rates at the worst possible time for the average citizen. Credit, and
the constant persuasion to use it lightyears past what anyone could afford in the name
of "The American Lifestyle," is precisely why we are so financially screwed today and most likely forever.
(4-24-2009)
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How 'bout a "National Credit Card Burning Night" on Wall Street?
(4-24-2009)
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Meghan McCain may actually be the new face of the Republican Party.
Come to think of it, she sounds much more like a Democrat. While I wouldn't trust her any farther than I could throw her
father, she definitely has balls.
(4-24-2009)
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Dick Cheney, to his credit, continues to parade around like the true
prick he really is. It's refreshing, candid and reassuring in light
of all the torturing he has done to America.
(4-24-2009)
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Dick Cheney: the bully's bully.
(4-24-2009)
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Ready the waterboard and buff up the electrodes for Bush, Cheney,
Rice, Rove and Rumsfeld: they need to be held accountable. We know
how to get the truth out of 'em: they taught us all we need to know.
(4-23-2009)
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It's Earth Day: great day for a nice long drive.
(4-22-2009)
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I love Dick Cheney talkin' smack about torture and foreign policy.
He doesn't "think we have much to apologize for." Definite tip-off for bipolar disorder.
(4-21-2009)
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Now that the banks have gotten bailed-out with OUR money, they're lending
less than ever. But the good news is, they're still handing out free
pens and pocket planners.
(4-21-2009)
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Water is the new gold standard.
(4-21-2009)
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The "glimmers of hope" from Wall Street and some banks are nothing more
than the 3 kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
(4-21-2009)
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Good news from Wall Street: those numerous hidden surcharges
from your tanking 401k's are keeping their managers
afloat.
(4-20-2009)
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"Retirement" has been replaced by "rehirement."
(4-20-2009)
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Bad news: a lotta people say the ocean's gonna rise like 3 or more feet.
Good News: it's a great time to invest in water-pumping technology.
(4-20-2009)
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Remember this as you try to lay blame for our exploding population bomb:
people aren't the problem, sex is.
(4-20-2009)
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As we race toward finding alternative energy, we better find a water alternative while we're at it.
(4-20-2009)
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Glaciers may be vanishing fast, but so what? We got an s-load a' bottled water.
(4-20-2009)
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I came, I saw, I Twittered.
(4-18-2009)
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Global warming, the economy, cartel violence and pirates: all the result
of gay marriage.
(4-18-2009)
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I can dig almost everything Obama's doing. Except the part where
the guys who are in charge of this financial cancer give away all our money
to their cronies in order to perpetuate it.
(4-17-2009)
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God, I wish I was a failed bank.
(4-17-2009)
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More De-Bushification: The Environment.
(4-17-2009)
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The Once-United States of America
(4-17-2009)
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A share of GM for your thoughts.
(4-17-2009)
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God, I wish I was a failed bank.
(4-17-2009)
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Two words: Cuban stogies!
(4-17-2009)
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The Theory of Economic Relativity: E = mcscrewed
(4-16-2009)
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Bush comes out strong on newly-released torture memos: "It's not
like we branded or de-nutted 'em."
(4-16-2009)
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There's just one little thing standing in the way of
success in The War on Drugs: DEMAND.
(4-16-2009)
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I hope like hell Texas does secede.
(4-16-2009)
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"...from my cold dead roach clip."
(4-16-2009)
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Marijuana use does not fuel cartel violence, prohibition does.
(4-16-2009)
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Dear Government: you can get tougher on dope, but God forbid you get tougher on AK-47s?
(4-16-2009)
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I get it: if the government gets more medieval on drugs, cartels and immigration,
we can wipe out the entire border violence problem just like Bush wiped out terror.
What in the hell have you guys been smokin' (or, what in the hell
have you guys NOT been smokin')?
(4-16-2009)
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If you haven't seen Susan Boyle, well mister, you
you have missed the musical boat.
(4-15-2009)
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I sense the Republican Party is morphing into The TEA Party.
Conservative disintegration at its best. Texas Governor Rick Perry
talks secession, and
North Carolina Republican Senator Richard Burr urges a run on banks.
The Republican "We Hope America Fails" rat's nest is a thing to behold. Their memories of how it all came to this are shorter than Dick Cheney's temper.
(4-15-2009)
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Bend over, America.
(4-15-2009)
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My family's health care policy is the emergency room.
(4-14-2009)
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The new stick-up line: "Your aluminum cans or your life!"
(4-14-2009)
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Paradoxymoron:
the ones we hope will save us are the ones who got us here.
It's Frank Rich proving week in and week out that he is indeed the master.
(4-12-2009)
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To save on postage and handling, the IRS is asking Americans
to send their tax payments directly to AIG, Citi, Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, B of A, or GM.
(4-12-2009)
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Prohibition
didn't work then, and it ain't workin' now.
(4-11-2009)
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The War on Drugs has been at least as successful as The War on Terror.
(4-11-2009)
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Purpose Driven Strife: Pastor Rick Warren's obviously gone gay on us.
Is there a little secret he and Ted Haggard need to share? Could it be...S A T A N?!!!
(4-11-2009)
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Global Warming is a myth just like death and taxes.
(4-11-2009)
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Dick Cheney's giving back: all his old clothes have been shipped to
Jack Abramoff.
(4-11-2009)
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I've been reduced to collecting cans for retirement.
(4-11-2009)
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The economy's been "ruff" on the Shih Tzus: their doghouse just went into foreclosure.
(4-11-2009)
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Drat! So much for my plans to spend 2 pleasure-filled weeks in Somalia.
Guess I'll go to Mexico.
(4-9-2009)
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If God didn't want us to have guns, why did He create gun racks?
(4-8-2009)
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If we ever outlaw guns, the resulting population
explosion'll kill us all.
(4-8-2009)
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Criminalize fast food.
(4-8-2009)
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There's an unprecedented run on guns and ammo. That should really help
stem the tide of all these mass killings. Arm your family members with
AK-47s for security's sake. Long live Charlton Heston.
(4-8-2009)
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Rush LimbaughxyContin
(4-7-2009)
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George W. Bush enrolls in Dale Carnegie course to fortify speaking skills.
(4-7-2009)
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North Korea, what're we gonna do with you?! Bad country, bad country!
(4-5-2009)
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So, some in the Catholic hierarchy are miffed about Obama speaking at Notre Dame, aye?
Hell, he isn't even gonna mention anything about all those priestly pedophiles,
or the use of condoms spreading AIDS,
so what's all the fuss about? Oh, and one other little tidbit: 53% of U.S. Catholics
voted for Obama.
(4-4-2009)
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Those same lame-ass GOP'ers who are bitching about the cost of the budget
are the very same pricks who made it all necessary.
(4-4-2009)
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The Republican party is secretly handing out copies of "The Secret" and hiring
Anthony Robbins for GOP spiritual retreats.
(4-4-2009)
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Republican's are offended that Obama is kicking ass at many turns, even
if it's not at every turn. He is single-handedly pulling us up by the bootstraps
as well as recrafting America's tarnished image abroad. Not
bad for less than 100 days in office.
(4-4-2009)
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Republicans are simply not participating in the recovery. Their main energies
these days are focused on hoping for America's failure. How patriotic is that?!
(4-4-2009)
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While you may not agree with everything the new President is doing,
he definitely has a "Larry the Cable Guy" mentality: "Get 'er done!"
(4-4-2009)
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Dick Cheney is in negotiations to become Rush Limbaugh's radio sidekick.
(4-4-2009)
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For every job lost, for every home lost, it's one more Medal of Freedom
for George W. Bush. He'll be the envy of every sinner in hell.
(4-4-2009)
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Bush owns the economy. Obama owns the recovery.
(4-4-2009)
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President Barack Obama at the G-20 Summit: "The Anti-Bush"
(4-4-2009)
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Things are still messy in the Obama presidency. He can't escape the Washington
of old in order to get things done, but he still has enough smarts and charisma to pull off
a major recovery. Part of it makes me sick, but the other part gives me hope. The right guy
is at the helm. Just think about the difference between Barack Obama and George W. Bush,
and that's enough to sustain us through anything, no matter how wretched the situation appears.
(4-4-2009)
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All kidding aside, all fiascos aside, we apparently have a President
worthy of the office. He actually knows how to listen as well as inspire.
(4-1-2009)
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George W. Bush will enjoy a quiet day of clearing a little brush,
working on the library, lubing his bike, and just basically reflecting on this special
day named in his honor.
(4-1-2009)
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GM hurriedly plans production of newest, cheapest vehicle: "Chevy Stress";
Chrysler close behind with "Dodge Bailout"; Ford unveils "Ford Geithner".
(3-31-2009)
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The economy is one mutha of a black hole.
(3-31-2009)
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An economic analogy: when people suffer from depression,
it's not called "recession." The economy's no different.
(3-31-2009)
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Join me in "Condemning the Condom!" Do your part to prevent the spread of AIDS: send all your HIV-friendly
condoms to the Vatican immediately.
(3-28-2009)
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Unofficially speaking for my fellow Americans, I think I can pare it down to this: Mr. President, give OUR money back to US. Thank you.
(3-28-2009)
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Eliot Spitzer for Treasury Secretary?!
(3-28-2009)
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Is it just me, or is restoring our failed financial system a damn dumb idea? (William Greider
has written an excellent piece all about this issue.)
(3-28-2009)
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I may not have a house or a job anymore, but I've got a shopping cart.
(3-28-2009)
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Death penalty for marijuana users.
(3-27-2009)
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No matter what happens, Barack Obama makes George W. Bush look like, well,
George W. Bush.
(3-27-2009)
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It worked so dang good in Iraq, use it in Mexico: bring on
The Surge!
(3-27-2009)
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Regarding all that violence down in Mexico: can't they all
just get "a-bong?"
(3-26-2009)
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They can't foreclose on my tent can they?
(3-26-2009)
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Prohibit Prohibition.
(3-25-2009)
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Prohibition KILLS: Jeffrey A. Miron is senior lecturer in economics at Harvard University.
What the hell does he know?!
(3-25-2009)
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Trillion is the new billion.
(3-25-2009)
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CATY: Cover Your Toxic Assets
(3-24-2009)
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AIG execs will hold annual meeting in Tijuana.
(3-24-2009)
*
If it's broke, bail it out.
(3-24-2009)
*
Good to see Dick Cheney back in the news. Did you know he was separated at
birth from Don Rickles?
(3-24-2009)
*
Why aren't credit cards getting their due scrutiny as the most toxic
loans of all time?
(3-24-2009)
*
Banks ought to let foreclosure victims camp in their parking lots.
(3-24-2009)
*
The loudest voice and best political writer I know, Frank Rich, keeps shooting his mouth off. Could he be right?
(3-22-2009)
*
Nobel Economics Laureate, Paul Krugman, keeps shooting his mouth off.
Could he be right?
(3-21-2009)
*
(CNN) The "least worst option" to ending the drug related violence could quickly become the best.
(3-21-2009)
*
I lost my job, but I did find my keys.
(3-21-2009)
*
Hey, I somehow got an AIG bonus! (Don't tell anybody.)
(3-21-2009)
*
Print me some money, Uncle Sam.
(3-21-2009)
*
My bank's lending money. Just not to me.
(3-21-2009)
*
President Obama reaches out to one "Axis of Evil," Iran.
George W. Bush must be rolling in his grave. Wait, he's not dead yet.
(3-20-2009)
*
Mini-Editorial ~ "Legalize Sanity"
I do not smoke pot. That being said, it appears there might
be movement toward legalizing marijuana.
Why? Because states, especially California,
whose #1 cash crop is pot
($14 BILLION dollars a year),
can make bookoo bucks galore from taxing and regulating it.
The prohibition on cannabis sativa has worked even less well than that on alcohol.
The War on Drugs has created continuously escalating use
of this illegal drug much like the War on Terror has created
a staggering amount more terrorists. Our national forests have become the favored grow spots for
the cartels, leaving an environmental catastrophe on our treasured lands with rank toxic pesticides and fertilizers,
human waste, trash, miles of irrigation systems, tons of automatic weapons and booby traps, and ATV trails scarring OUR wonderlands.
Innocently stumbling upon one of these areas can cost you your life.
Weed is the number one
income-producer for drug cartels, by far. It is ravaging Mexico and many
U.S. border towns. These Mexican Border Wars and their atrocities have made travel to Mexico
a dicey proposition at best. When the US tells kids not to travel there for Spring Break,
you know things are extremely bad. This murdering Mexican drug culture which thrives primarily on
illegal marijuana sales has essentially dug their own grave, destabalizing the entire country of Mexico
and spilling over onto the streets of America in the process. The Mexican government is in shambles because many employees are totally on the take.
If anyone dares speak out against the cartels, they're dead almost instantly. Those that aren't on the take have deserted.
Things are so bad
that these times demand the legalization of marijuana. All the tough talk and increased enforcement
just cannot compete with the many billions in illegal marijuana profits and warehouses full of
American-made automatic weapons, dope and dollars.
What on Earth choice do we have? The U.S. War on Drugs has been a wholesale failure. IF America can put
aside the demonic culture war over marijuana and legalize it to the extent that
cartels and their evil murdering leaders are hit where it hurts most, in the wallet,
they could be rendered nearly harmless, or at least relegated to fringe-element status.
Break them monetarily and they suddenly have nothing. Sure, they can still wreak mayhem,
but if you take away their runaway bestseller, marijuana, they'll have to resort to something
much less offensive, you know, like getting a day job.
Attorney General, Eric Holder
said he will not be raiding state-run medical marijuana dispenseries
like "Holier-Than-Thous" George Bush and Alberto Gonzales.
People have always used weed and will always continue using it.
If it is legalized, we get rid of many
more horrendous problems than just the act of using pot causes:
goodbye cartels and drug lords, mass murders and kidnappings, torture and grizzly border beheadings,
grossly overcrowded jails, clogged-to-the-gills court systems and overworked police departments.
Federal and state governments combined are wasting many 10's of BILLIONS of dollars of our hard-earned
tax money ANNUALLY, not to mention the staggering overall cost since this ill-fated "War" began. Especially
now, we simply can NOT afford this massive fraudulent waste of money.
Enough with victimless crime.
Check out Bill Maher's take.
Is marijuana safe? No, it's not. Are cigarettes safe? Is alcohol safe?
Are pesticides safe? Is our air safe? Is our drinking water safe? Is our food
supply safe? Decriminalize marijuana
and you'll cut the crime rate, violent and otherwise, by a phenomenal degree. Medically speaking,
what harm does marijuana do to terminal cancer patients?
I'm not going to roll up a big fatty or start a grow-room
if the Neovangelical faux-moral climate changes.
But, I sure think it's HIGH time it did. Marijuana is not a moral problem, like many
religious conservatives would like you to believe.
It's an economic problem: cut out the profits of the greedy,
deadly black market bastards and let the states keep it. Think how many jobs this would
create. I can see it now: "Member's Mark Marijuana."
(Here are way too many facts about marijuana including detailed source info.)
(3-18-2009)
*
My friends and I went to Mexico for spring break and all I got was this lousy bullet hole.
(3-18-2009)
*
Pope Benedict XVI: "The AIG of Popes"
(3-18-2009)
*
I was a derivatives trader at AIG. Now I sell snake oil.
(3-16-2009)
*
"Sir" Allen Stanford springs for Bush library "just as soon as I am vindicated."
(3-16-2009)
*
When's the last time you heard a President get medieval on greedy corporate pigs?
(3-16-2009)
*
mAdoff Insurance Group
(3-15-2009)
*
The fastest-growing religious preference of Americans: NONE.
Only Roman Catholics and Baptists have a larger membership. As always, Frank Rich nails it dead-on. He says more in less space than any writer alive today.
(3-15-2009)
*
Bernard Madoff is fined $1.79 trillion dollars.
(3-13-2009)
*
The Dow is up for 4 straight days. The recession is over!
(3-13-2009)
*
The Iraqi shoe-thrower gets 3 years while his target
walks away scot-free. The hero is behind bars, the traitor
is on the golf course.
(3-12-2009)
*
Charles Ponzi can now rest in peace. From here on out, it's
officially "Madoff Scheme."
(3-12-2009)
*
Rush Limbaugh is "Republican Salmonella!"
(3-11-2009)
*
The plight of the polar bear might be ours, too.
(3-11-2009)
*
CNBC's Jim "Mad Money" Cramer admits he's a
corrupt stock manipulator in this 2006 video.
Now, that's just flat-out arrogant. In today's economic climate, it's also really, really stupid.
(3-11-2009)
*
Halliburton, Blackwater quietly merge to form "Quintesscence Qorporation."
(3-11-2009)
*
Desperate for new image, Republicans ditch elephant logo for weeping dollar sign.
(3-11-2009)
*
Jon Stewart vs. CNBC, MSNBC, and NBC:
it's a wipeout deluxe.
(3-11-2009)
*
Bernie Madoff makes Ken Lay look like Mother Theresa.
(3-11-2009)
*
Mini-Editorial~ "Barack Obama: All-In for America"
No matter what anyone wants to say, we have a President who
is a fearless champion of the people, by the people, and for the
people, willing to do whatever in the Universe it takes to fix this Bush-crippled Country.
Like him or dislike him, he's working for YOU! Now, that's a novel approach.
Have you ever seen a leader seize the day like Barack Obama? No, you haven't.
We begged for change, we voted for change, and we're going to get change. Obviously, we may not
agree with it all, but it's coming like a freight train, and not
a moment too soon. (Here's a good overview
by Carolyn Lochhead of the San Francisco Chronicle.)
(3-8-2009)
*
I just set my clock to ECT: Economic Catasrophe Time
(3-8-2009)
*
Americans are suffering from a Great mass DepBrUeSsHsion (with a powerful assist
from the late-great "Trickle-Downer" himself, Ronald Reagan.)
(3-8-2009)
*
I just set my clock to ECT: Economic Catasrophe Time
(3-8-2009)
*
Okay, enough with the Rush-bashing. He's doing more unintended good for
the American people than we ever thought possible.
(3-8-2009)
*
On second thought...
(3-8-2009)
*
Even gasbag "Newter" Gingrich has pounced on the portly radio blow-hard.
This is so fun!
(3-8-2009)
*
Did you know that before each show, Rush Limbaugh stops
by a gas station to inflate his ego?
(3-8-2009)
*
Rush Limbaugh: "Goon With A View"
(3-8-2009)
*
Lush-Rush Limbaugh is the steel wool grating on the Republicans' open wounds
they so righteously deserve.
(3-7-2009)
*
Jon Stewart neuters CNBC!
(3-6-2009)
*
Obama's lifting the ban on federal funding of embryonic stem cell research.
I can hear it now: "Obama's a murderer of frozen children!"
(3-6-2009)
*
I can't decide between a value-menu burger or a share of Citi.
(3-5-2009)
*
The stock market is like a moldy box of salmonella chocolates:
you always know which one you're gonna get.
(3-5-2009)
*
"Rushbaugh" has the swagger of George Bush coupled with the keen acumen and doggedness of Joe McCarthy.
(3-5-2009)
*
GM gobbled up by Wal*Mart; will produce "Member's Mark-Kars"
(3-5-2009)
*
I think ya gotta question the overall validity of capitalism.
If it just weren't for human beings, it might have worked.
(3-4-2009)
*
Giving more money to failed, corrupt, giant corporations is like giving meth to an addict hoping it will cure him.
(3-4-2009)
*
HELP WANTED: 1000's of angry, nitpicking anal-retentive watchdogs
with OCD to oversee the entire American financial system.
(3-4-2009)
*
The stock market gained 150 points. There's light at the
end of the Universe!
(3-4-2009)
*
They're callin' Mexico "Little Iraq."
(3-4-2009)
*
Karl Rove & Harriet "George Bush is the smartest man I know" Miers will finnnallly testify.
Two big thumbs way up to House Judiciary Committee Chairman, John Conyers for refusing to knuckle under
until he bagged these two anti-American Bushites. Let's get ready to rumble.
(3-4-2009)
*
Things are looking so bad for the Republicans, they're
privately setting their sites on 2060.
(3-4-2009)
*
Leader of the new-look GOP, Rush Limbaugh, doesn't know the difference between
The Constitution and The Declaration of Independence. No worries, they're one
and the same, right?
(3-3-2009)
*
The honest truth: Rush Limbaugh is good for the Country.
The more he talks, the deeper "they" sink.
(3-3-2009)
*
Rush looks so awesome in that unbuttoned black silk shirt.
He looks like the "Grand Old Pimp."
(3-3-2009)
*
The Bold New Republican Platform: "May America Fail"
(3-3-2009)
*
AIG's selling at just 42 cents a share! I think I'll buy one.
(3-3-2009)
*
Don't worry, everything's gonna be all right. Just not this century.
(3-3-2009)
*
Dick Cheney: friend to fly-fishermen and waterways everywhere.
(3-3-2009)
*
Welcome to George W. Bush's "Basket Case Economy."
(3-3-2009)
*
(AP) "The Obama administration threw open the curtain on years of Bush-era secrets Monday,
revealing anti-terror memos that claimed exceptional search-and-seizure powers and divulging
that the CIA destroyed nearly 100 videotapes of interrogations and other treatment of terror suspects."
What, we're supposed to be shocked?!
(3-2-2009)
*
Rahm Emanual reams Rush a new one by proclaiming Limbaugh the
"voice and the intellectual force and energy behind the Republican Party."
A page out of the toxic lout's own playbook.
(3-1-2009)
*
The GOP is being put out of its misery by the righ-wing media. I prefer to call
it "Rushanasia."
(3-1-2009)
*
Rush, you just don't matter anymore, man.
(3-1-2009)
*
George W. Bush has begun the arduous task of sorting and alphabetizing the books
for his library: after two straight hours, it's all done. Phew!
(2-27-2009)
*
Our tattered and battered Constitution has finally been taken off life support
and is breathing all on its own.
(2-27-2009)
*
Although the President's not exactly ending the War as fast as we'd like,
he's done the unthinkable and actually unveiled a TIMETABLE!
(2-27-2009)
*
Alas, the de-Bushing of America continues one fell swoop at a time:
Obama's reversing another fraudulent Bush ruling.
(2-27-2009)
*
It's official: Rush Limbaugh is as archaic as the Republican Party.
(2-27-2009)
*
Limbaugh's boy, Bobby Jindal, admits lying about his Katrina story in his response to
President Obama's speech. At least he admitted lying. The GOP is really
make huge strides.
(2-27-2009)
*
Nobel laureate economist, Paul Krugman, calls GOP "the party of Beavis and Butthead!"
(2-25-2009)
*
GM trots out the "Chevrolite" brand hoping to make a killing.
(2-25-2009)
*
Despite the horrific nature of the economy and a thousand other crises,
there's always a silver lining: Sarah Palin, John McCain, Bobby Jindal, Richard Steele and Rush Limbaugh, to name a few.
These albatross-anchors ought to help weigh down the GOP for a generation.
(2-25-2009)
*
Bobby Jindal's Republican response was as smooth at Bush's Katrina response.
(2-25-2009)
*
The American Brand is on the rise.
(2-25-2009)
*
President Obama provides the main ingredient missing for so long: HOPE.
I have to admit he's the kind of guy you can really believe in no matter how skeptical you are
(and I am).
The worst that can happen already has. We have nowhere to go but up.
(2-24-2009)
*
I forced myself to imagine the last time I saw W "speak" in the House Chamber.
It's a whole new universe there now. I hope like hell he watched.
(2-24-2009)
*
Trying to take the optimistic road, I just purchased a gross of piggy banks.
(2-24-2009)
*
The Dow Jones Diet®: lose your ass right along with the Stock Market.
(2-Amy-2009)
*
My bank suddenly turned into a pizza joint.
(2-22-2009)
*
GM-Chrysler will begin retooling for mass production of salmonella-free peanut products.
(2-21-2009)
*
ECONOPOCALYPSE NOW!
(Here's what Paul Volcker,
Chair of the President's Economic Recovery Advisory Board, has to say.
(2-21-2009)
*
I hereby christen this troubled time in our history "The Great Global Bush Depression." There's your legacy, pal.
(Remember when W not long ago called the economic freefall
"a rough patch," and "economic headwinds?" He refused to ever call it a recession.)
(2-21-2009)
*
Monopoly money suddenly starting to gain value!
(2-21-2009)
*
Finally some great news about the economic meltdown: shark attacks
are down because so many Americans can't afford to travel.
(2-21-2009)
*
I'm waiting for the Dow to hit 900, then I'm buyin', baby!
(2-20-2009)
*
Oh no! Bush's pal Sir Allen Stanford is missing! I say check the Crawford Ranch.
(2-18-2009)
*
Being a good Republican means voting against any government help,
then begging for the money they voted against like a newborn infant
demanding the teat.
(2-18-2009)
*
I wonder which Texas investment con man Bush worshipSed more:
"Kenny Boy" Lay or Sir Allen Stanford?
(2-17-2009)
*
The real reason the GOP is so angry lies in their bewilderment
that God is not on their side after all.
(2-17-2009)
*
Cheney is pissed in a nuclear way at Bush for not pardoning Libby.
I can relate. I feel the same damn way about Libby's commutation
and every other flippin' thing all those bastards did.
(2-17-2009)
*
Antiques Roadshow ought to do a special on Republicans.
They're as antiquated is it gets.
(2-17-2009)
*
"Californication": the Republicans are "NO'ing" California
into the ocean by steadfastly refusing to pass the state budget.
Arnold's being terminated by his own party.
(2-17-2009)
*
I've finally come to terms with the President's Recovery Package:
if the Republicans are against it, it must be good.
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
Coming to a bookstore near you: Deconomics:
How Right Wing Extremists Stole Your Job and Home Laughing All the Way
to the Bank."
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
The only stimulus package most of us can get is Metamucil.
It's called a "Bowelout."
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
The new Republican Party of today is exactly like the old one
under Bush: impotent and cranky as hell (are you listening, Johnny Mac?).
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
Two Shih Tzus are looking up at me from under my desk.
They aren't in the least bit worried about the economy. Life is good.
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
The Israeli-Palestinian Solution: bribe 'em with boatloads of Bailout money.
What the hell?
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
Why are all the Bailout recipients still clamoring for more? Maybe they need
to be put out of their misery. Quit throwing good money after bad. Just a thought.
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
Dictator Chavez prevails. Wants 10 more years in power "to finish the job." He learned from the best: Bush.
(2-Nancy-2009)
*
Celebrating Honest Abe's birthday, Bush feels they
are kindred spirits. Lincoln is disgusted.
(2-12-2009)
*
Now that the stimulus has passed, will the economy be all better
by Monday?
(2-12-2009)
*
Because the stimulus made it through, we don't pay taxes anymore, right?
(2-12-2009)
*
Hey, I'm starting my own hedge fund!
(2-12-2009)
*
I lose money the old fashioned way: I invest.
(2-12-2009)
*
To that gal with the 14 in vitro kids: congratulations on not stooping
to promiscuous sex.
(2-11-2009)
*
I just hope A-Rod's a Republican.
(2-Spike-2009)
*
Not only is it Black History Month. I'm declaring February
"Crucify The GOP Month."
They're rooting for Obama and our Country to fail just like their
mascot, Rush Limbaugh.
(2-Spike-2009)
*
An incensed Rush Limbaugh demands to know who sent him a box of exploding Cuban cigars.
Light up another one, big boy.
(2-Spike-2009)
*
If the Republicans continue as they are, they won't ever have to worry
about being the majority party. I like to call it "The Rove Reverse."
(2-Spike-2009)
*
Republicans want to blame Obama the way we deservedly blame
Bush for all our ills. Difference is, Obama inherited all this
Bushit. All Bush inherited was a surplus.
(2-Spike-2009)
*
Ya gotta love those plucky Republicans. They decry all the talk
of any stimulus that would defy business as usual. What short memories.
Who the hell got us into this morass?
(2-Spike-2009)
*
A-Rod claims Yankee clubhouse hot dogs contained steroids.
(2-9-2009)
*
Rodriguez should bat one-handed all season to offset
his steroid use.
(2-9-2009)
*
Nuts! Using marijuana may increase the risk of testicular cancer.
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