* Let's make one thing perfectly crystal clear: war is immoral, homosexuality is not.       (3-14-07)

* I finally get it now: the Bush administration plans a scandal a day hoping we'll all burn out and not care anymore. Close, but no "Lewinsky."       (3-14-07)

* The Few. The Proud. The Gay Marines.       (3-14-07)

* Emergency addition to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell": "DON'T SPEAK."       (3-14-07)

* Rumsfeld ready and waiting in the wings if Gonzales goes.       (3-14-07)

* No Scandal Left Behind       (3-13-07)

* Bush pledges a "return" to moral values "as soon as we get things squared away in Iraq."       (3-13-07)

* Gonzales echoes Bush, Cheney and Rove: "It's our government and we'll resign when we're damn good and ready."        (3-13-07)

* General Pace, what's the big deal about gay Marines? Pastor Ted Haggard can "cure" 'em in 3 weeks.       (3-13-07)

* All the President's Men, the Sequel: Deep-Throat II       (3-12-07)

* Why do so many al Qaeda cells have a Dick Cheney poster on the wall?       (3-12-07)

* FOX is reporting that Bin Laden has changed his first name to "Obama."       (3-12-07)

* Dick Cheney's bed has 2 wrong sides.       (3-12-07)

* Though Halliburton is relocating its pallets of cash to the Middle East, Houston will still be in charge of pallet production.       (3-12-07)

* White House staffer fired for remarking, "This administration's meltdown makes Chernobyl look like a cakewalk."        (3-12-07)

* Gonzales classifies news media        (3-11-07)

* EVERYTHING'S rotten in the state of "Bushmark!"       (3-11-07)

* Things are so bad at the White House, the President will serve the rest of his term in Crawford.       (3-11-07)

* Abramoff, DeLay rush to embattled crony, Rove's defense       (3-11-07)

* Anonymous sources: Alberto Gonzales replaced by Harriet Miers; Rove out, Wm. Bennett in       (3-11-07)

* Cheney said to be "in last throes" over continued "conspiratorial attacks" against Bush administration officials       (3-11-07)

* Looks like I picked the wrong decade to quit sniffing glue.       (3-10-07)

* Bush named "Top Dictator" by Autocrat Magazine        (3-10-07)

* You know who really deserves a Medal of Freedom? All those lost souls who voted "The Scoundrels" into office not once, but TWICE.       (3-10-07)

* White House now reportedly going through truckload of antidepressants per week       (3-10-07)

* Losing its news license, FOX looks toward producing more Evangelical programming with Pastor Ted Haggard's "Completely Heterosexual."       (3-9-07)

* Bush hopes global warming will make US farmland suitable for growing sugar cane: "See, Global warming's not all that bad."       (3-9-07)

* Latin Americans complain of putrid sulfur smell during Bush visits       (3-9-07)

* Federal Bureau of Injustice: Patriot Act, American People "Katrina'd" again       (3-9-07)

* There are now 946 billionaires worldwide. I just missed the list by a scant $999,960,000.       (3-9-07)

* While Clinton was not having sexual relations with "that woman," Newt was.   (Once and for all, NEWTER GINGRICH!)    (3-8-07)

* Dubya = Vain Ego-Tripping Oaf       (3-8-07)

* Pardon Lisa Nowak!       (3-8-07)

* "Hello, this is Dick Cheney for Publishers Clearing House ..."       (3-8-07)

* The President is heading to Latin America on a military recruiting swing       (3-8-07)

* How about a binding resolution that pardons Libby and fires Cheney?       (3-8-07)

* A suspicious package was found on White House grounds: the Constitution.       (3-8-07)

* If there is no military solution to the Iraquagmire as General Patraeus says, what in the hell are we doing there? It couldn't just possibly be that WE are the problem, could it? Oh, how unpatriotic of me.       (3-8-07)

* I must question the Democrats war proposal to withdraw troops sooner than later: why cut and run when you can stay and die?       (3-8-07)

* If we're running short, can't we rent some troops from another country? You know, like "Rent-a-Vet?"       (3-8-07)


* Why are these rogues laughing? Because Scooter took the fall like an unlucky altar boy.

* Vice President receives flurry of "Get Worse Soon" cards   (Thanks to my Dad, Spike Gerver.)    (3-7-07)

* Encouraged by his surge's "gradual but important progress", the President will buy a lottery ticket for every family in America who still supports him.       (3-7-07)

* I'm heading into rehab even though I don't use drugs or alcohol. My agent says it's good publicity.       (3-7-07)

* Bush & Cheney proudly Support Our Troops' demise.       (3-7-07)

* Here's what really irks the hell out of me: visualizing my hard-earned tax dollars on a Halliburton cash-pallet somewhere out in the middle of Bumfuq, Iraq.       (3-7-07)

* Ann Coulter shaves head!       (3-7-07)

* When Cheney resigns or is convicted, I nominate John Bolton or Tony Snow.       (3-7-07)

* I'm movin' to Vermont!       (3-7-07)

* Ann Coulter reaches out to troubled NASA astronaut: "I drove cross-country in diapers once to smear a Democrat."       (3-7-07)

* Major poll shows 81% of Americans think Satan has more ethical values than the President and Vice President combined.       (3-6-07)

* Have you noticed that we hear good news about Iraq from Bush about as often as we hear about Social Security reform?       (3-6-07)

* Desperate to find a stop-gap way out of the Walter Reed debacle, the President will outsource wounded-troop care to India.        (3-6-07)

* I hope like hell Bush does pardon Libby. Then maybe he can pardon Abramoff, DeLay, Cunningham, and Ney, you know, in tribute to the late great "Kenny Boy."       (3-6-07)

* Despite what a horrid day it's been for the White House and Iraq, the President, as always, spins it to his favor: "Laura and I just made a killing in the stock market!"       (3-6-07)

* BUSH ADMINISTRATION OUTED!
"The trial revealed a surprising level of both hysteria and hypocrisy in the White House."       (3-6-07)

* The Libby verdict officially puts the White House under an electron microscope for national and global scrutiny. It's almost like they totally forgot about ethics and moral values or something.       (3-6-07)

* I bet Cheney is ready to "last-throe-up." Maybe he, Bush and Rove will be greeted as "Libbyrators."        (3-6-07)

* So, Dubya, are ya still gonna fire the leakers? How 'bout "Chubya?"       (3-6-07)

* LIBBY VERDICT IN: CHENEY GUILTY!       (3-6-07)

* Fired US attorneys were axed because they differed with Herr's Bush & Cheney. Alberto "Mr. Jurisprudence" Gonzales swears he was "only following orders."       (3-6-07)

* The SURGE is working...........in REVERSE!       (3-6-07)

* WJBA? According to John Edwards, "Yes, Jesus Would Be Appalled!"       (3-6-07)

* Fully recovered meth-using gay sex addict, Pastor Ted Haggard, becomes chaplain at Walter Reed       (3-6-07)

* What about using the Patriot Act to extricate the Bush administration from the White House?       (3-6-07)

* Vice President Cheney has a blod clot in his calf. Doctors are confident his mean-spiritedness will dissolve it. (Do you suppose they also put him on WARfarin?)       (3-5-07)

* The U.S. is in "deep Shiite" again.       (3-5-07)

* Coulter insists she meant to say "maggot."       (3-5-07)

* Beef Industry quietly rejoices at latest news of global overfishing       (3-5-07)

* Dick & Dubya will be out selling the WOT this week. I will be TiVo'ing these speeches just so I can skip to the commercials.       (3-5-07)

* We must give credit where credit is due: Bush & Cheney are consistent. They send troops into harm's way and they bring 'em back into harm's way.       (3-5-07)

* Guiness called in to certify record for "Most Presidential Scandals"       (3-5-07)

* Do they have rehab for arrogant a**holes?       (3-5-07)

* Steely resolve at the White House: "If the current troop surge does not succeed, we will simply plan a subsequent surge but change the name to 'troop influx.'"       (3-5-07)

* The Gulf Coast and Walter Reed have a lot in common to the Bush administration: why fix 'em up, they're goners anyway.       (3-4-07)

* Americans are being "saved" from the "perils" of medical marijuana so they can be exposed to the perils of a dangerous new cow antibiotic, cefquinome. I smell "Big Pharmaceutical" at work. Talk about a "cash cow!"       (3-4-07)

* "The Must-Do List": an excellent editorial from The New York Times: "Today we're offering a list - which, sadly, is hardly exhaustive - of things that need to be done to reverse the unwise and lawless policies of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney."       (3-4-07)

* China, announcing a much higher than expected increase in military spending (18%), says they owe it all to Wal*Mart.        (3-4-07)

* Is there at least a slim chance Gates could fire Bush & Cheney?       (3-4-07)

* The President promises tornado victims that he will form the Commission to Conquer Tornadoes (CCT) under the auspices of FEMA.       (3-4-07)

* Bush swings wildly at reporter who addresses him as "Katrina Boy"       (3-4-07)

* The WHYte House       (3-4-07)

* Things could be worse: if Al Gore had become President, he probably wouldn't have had time to win an Oscar.       (3-4-07)

* Not to worry: at least the President and Vice President will have great pensions and the best health care our money can buy.        (3-4-07)

* You can't blame Bush for the Walter Reed atrocity. You can blame the liberal press for exposing it.       (3-4-07)

* Pulling out all stops to right the ship, Bush promises free lifetime gauze, Neosporin, bandages, crutches and canes to the War Wounded.       (3-4-07)

* WMD = What Maniacs Do       (3-4-07)

* The President says he's "deeply troubled" by the Walter Reed scandal. Just like he's deeply troubled by the War, Katrina, and the Environment?       (3-4-07)

* I hereby Christen thee "Anna Nicoulter!"       (3-4-07)

* ANNA NICOLE UNEARTHED BY SERIAL EXHUMER!!!       (3-3-07)

* "Marijuana: the wonder drug": the terrorists are at it again.       (3-3-07)

* The "Katrinazation" of Iraq War Vets: wounding the wounded       (3-3-07)

* Ann Coulter calls John Edwards a "fa**ot." Well, we were gonna need a bimbo to fill the Anna Nicole void anyway.       (3-2-07)

* Iraq, Katrina, Walter Reed: all the Wrong heads are rolling!       (3-2-07)

* Simple solution: convert the Walter Reed Army Medical Center into the Bush Library        (3-2-07)

* Dear White House: do you call the Walter Reed horror story "Supporting Our Troops?"       (3-2-07)

* Walter Reed George W. Bush Army Medical Center       (3-2-07)

* In recognition of Dr. Suess's birthday, the President lauds Ted Geisel as "one of the greatest authors of our time. I still read his books every night before bed."        (3-2-07)

* Walter Cronkite says, "We should have gotten out (of Iraq) a long time ago." If it's good enough for "Uncle Walter," it's good enough for me.       (3-2-07)

* Any presidential candidate named after a baseball glove can't be taken seriously.       (3-2-07)

* Obama's descendants were slave owners? Must be the work of "Slave Boat Veterans for Truth."       (3-2-07)

* The President vows to make good on his Gulf Coast pledge: "I've dispatched unlimited bottled water and Mentos for everyone."       (3-1-07)

* "Brownie" appointed to take over reins at Walter Reed       (3-1-07)

* "Bush," "Rice," "Dick," "Iraq," "Iran," and our two favorite expletives are all 4-letters long. Coinicidence? I think not.       (3-1-07)

* You know, there's always a silver lining to even the worst worst-case scenario. For example, Bush & Cheney have been president for 7 looooooong years. But, Hitler hasn't. See what I mean?       (3-1-07)

* "Johnny Mac" throws his bayonet into the ring just in time to apologize for calling US troop deaths "wasted."        (3-1-07)

* Harvard study suggests eating ice cream may boost female fertility. Ah, to be a woman again...        (3-1-07)